Hogwarts: the lycanthropic years
by KatyaWood
Summary: MWPP era of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. A tale of romance and adventure...


In the hospital wing, Remus was recovering from the full moon

In the hospital wing, Remus was recovering from the full moon. He looked up from his book as he heard a slight sound. He smiled at his friend, Sirius, who poked his head round the curtains. 

"Only me, Moony; can I come in?" he asked, grinning as Remus rolled his eyes.

"If I said no, you would anyway" Remus replied, smiling again to take the sting out of his words. "You're up early for a Saturday, Sirius. What have you been up to?"

Sirius opened his grey eyes wide. "Who, me?" he asked innocently. "I couldn't sleep, so I decided to go for a walk."

"Where to?" his friend persisted.

Sirius squirmed. "Honestly, Moony, does it matter?" he asked. Remus merely gave him a long, hard look. "Ok, so I might have applied a sticking charm to the Slytherin common room's portrait door, but I was merely practicing a charm I found during my homework reading, so it wasn't a prank, it was homework." He flashed a grin down at his friend. "Was that bad?" he asked coyly.

"If I had the energy, Sirius, I would throw something at you" Remus told him sternly. "Why do you persist in irritating the snakes? You know they will retaliate. And that isn't a good thing" he added irritably, as Sirius' grin widened. "You know they'll just pick on younger Gryffindors who aren't quick enough to defend themselves yet."

"Then they'll learn to be quicker" Sirius said unconcernedly. "We did."

Remus sighed. There was no point in lecturing Sirius when he was in this mood. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit, Sirius?" he asked.

"Well, Moony. To begin with, it seemed the best place to hide from the snake scum. Then I thought I'd come to spend some time with you. I haven't seen you for _ages_ Moony. You must have been in the library for at least a year so far this week. And another thing" he added, as Remus shook his head at his friend's illogical statement. "James is driving me crazy talking about Lily, and Peter is merely driving me crazy by being himself. You don't know what it's like when you're not there, Moony."

"Obviously" his friend cut in.

Sirius gave him a look. "Quiet, Moony" he said severely. "Why did you have to make friends with Lily anyway? James is mad with jealousy when you two go off studying together and then he gets even worse than normal. Then Peter joins in because he copies whatever James does, which drives me even more insane. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I'm here so you can dispense some of your rationality and sensibleness before I go utterly and completely mad." He flopped down on a chair beside Remus' bed and grinned widely up at him.

Remus sighed. Closing his book, he put it down on his bedside table and took his reading glasses off, placing them on the table also. "What would you like to talk about, Sirius?" he asked his friend. "I know I haven't been around much recently. I'm finding it difficult to keep up with all my work as I miss days every month. Lily is very kindly tutoring me on a couple of things to keep me from worrying about failing my exams. You know that you, James and Peter aren't the easiest of people to study around."

Sirius grinned apologetically. "I know, Re. James distracts me, I can't help it. It was him that put me up to the prank this morning, you know. I think we might be bad for each other."

Remus rolled his eyes. "You _think_ you might be bad for each other? Of course you are. You could both be gaining record marks instead of merely good ones, and you know that. It's just us normal folk with average brain-power that struggle with the workload in this place."

"Moony, there is no way you could ever be normal" Sirius told him earnestly, a gleam of amusement in his silver eyes. "And you're talking nonsense anyway. You could be the top student of the year if it wasn't for, well, you know" he finished lamely, remembering that people might overhear them talking about Remus' lycanthropy. "Anyway, I really did come here for a reason" Sirius continued. "I thought you might be bored and fretting about your homework, so I've brought you some to start on. I know you're not supposed to, but I don't imagine they'll stop you reading, if they don't know that it's homework." He handed his friend a large tome. "I've exercised my massive intelligence to disguise your book, in case matron comes to check." Sirius tapped the book twice and the text in the book blurred then became the text of 'Quidditch through the Ages.'

Remus smiled at his friend. "Thanks, Sirius" he said, genuinely pleased. "You didn't need to do that for me."

Sirius shrugged. "I like doing things for you, Moony" he told his friend matter-of-factly. "You're not looking too bad this time, Re" Sirius changed the subject abruptly. "How do you feel?"

"I'm a little sore" Remus admitted quietly. "I've been through worse."

"I wish I could do something, you know" Sirius said suddenly. "I wish there was something I could do every month so you didn't have to go through this. It makes me feel so inadequate to watch you be sent away every month because I can't make you better; then see you after when you've been hurt so much. A good friend would find a way to make those times bearable for you."

"Sirius, if neither of my parents could make it easier, then there's no reason why you should feel this guilt. Remember I'm pure-blooded, so they both had more chance than you of finding a way" Remus said. "I'm not saying you have less intelligence or anything" he added quickly, seeing his friend's expression, "but I know how little they wanted a lycanthropic son. If there was a cure, they would have found it in the years they spent searching." The bitterness in Remus' voice caused his friend to study him intently. As Remus turned away from Sirius' piercing silver stare, his friend's expression grew grave and puzzled.

"Re?" Sirius said softly. When he received no response from his friend, he touched his hand gently, causing the sandy-haired boy to start suddenly. "You've never told me how your parents dealt with your changes. You've told me they wanted you to be cured, but you've never said why. Was it because of your suffering or theirs?" As Remus hesitated, Sirius put his hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to say if you don't want to, Re, but remember who I am. I'm your friend, so I'll never judge you. I'm also a Black in Gryffindor house who has been pronounced a blood-traitor and have been disowned, hence ripped from the family tree. Whatever happened between you and your parents, I'm not going anywhere. You know you can't rid yourself of me, no matter how hard you try."

Remus smiled slightly. "I know Sirius, and thank you. Do you really want to hear this?" he added quietly.

"I'm not going to like it, I can tell" Sirius said honestly. "But there's no way you're getting away with keeping it to yourself. You'll feel better for sharing it" he added firmly.

The amber-eyed boy sighed. "Well, you asked for it" he said finally. "I was bitten when I was six, you know that. I'd wandered much further from home than I was allowed to, and was followed by Fenrir Greyback until I was where he wanted me to be and he pounced. My father found me in the end. He thought I was dead, or hoped I was dead when he saw the bite. Either way, following my St Mungo's stay, I was allowed back home. My parents were given instruction about how to lock me away when the time came.

"Anyway, my first transformation occurred two weeks later. I had no idea what was going on, not really. My father had given me a vague overview of what would happen, but I was too young to understand. One evening, as the sun was setting, I was taken to the cellar and trustingly I followed and sat in the cage they had constructed for me. It was cold down there; I remember it all so clearly, even now. I had a blanket and a bowl of water, just as you would give to a dog. Eventually it started. You've read, I know, about transformations. You know what happens to the human body in order for it to become a wolf. I won't make this worse for you by describing the pain. Just settle for 'intense'. I couldn't understand, at the age of six, why it hurt so much, and why I was left on my own locked away, as if in disgrace.

"I was left down there the whole of the following day. I had been made to understand that I would be, from my father's explanation. I was cold, cut and bruised from my experience. My fingers were still bleeding from having torn at the bars all night. It was so very cold. I remember crying, wondering what I'd done to be punished so much. I hadn't done anything really bad, I was sure. 

"Eventually, it felt like days later, the cellar door opened and my father came down the stairs. He unlocked the cage and jumped back, as if he thought I could still cause harm, a shivering wreck of a small boy. He led me up the stairs to the bathroom, telling me curtly to clean myself up. That bath was torture. Hot water burning into every cut and scrape all over me. I did what I could; then slept like the dead for about two days straight." He looked at Sirius for the first time since beginning his story and saw his friend's eyes burning angrily, brimming with tears he was fighting back. Remus smiled sadly. "I can stop, really. I don't want to burden you with this, you know."

Sirius blinked, forcing himself under control. "I want you to tell me, however" he said firmly. "I promise I won't do anything stupid just yet." He attempted to smile at his friend.

"Well anyway; I was kept back from school more and more often. Questions would be asked of a small boy who was bruised and injured so much. I gleaned what learning I could from the family library. I learned of magic in that house, of good and dark wizards, and eventually of my problem. I realised why my parents were so wary of me. Lycanthropes were to be feared. I know now the book I read was full of propaganda, not fact, but I didn't then. It seemed that I had brought my problem upon myself, according to this tome. It was evil to have been infected in that way, and my parents had every right to treat me as a lesser being because of it. I know now how wrong it was" he continued, as Sirius was trying to protest. "It got to the stage where I hated myself for what I had become. My mother scolded me for ruining a set of clothes every month. After a year, she used to demand my clothes were left upstairs before I was locked into my cage. She used to turn away so that she could not see my scars. I managed numerous scars that first year, despite being locked into such a small cage. I think my mother saw them as a sign of the disease that had consumed her son. By the age of eight, I was her son no longer. She did not speak to me for those three years before I left for school. My father said what was necessary but no more. When my Hogwarts' letter came, I was amazed. My parents told me I wouldn't be going there, thanks to my condition. The omnipotence of Dumbledore astounded me from that moment on. He was so kind to me, that first year. He made me realise that what my parents had done to me was wrong, and that I wasn't a monster and being bitten hadn't been my fault." He looked up at a soft sound next to him. Sirius was crying quietly in his chair. Remus mustered his strength enough to sit up and pull the boy into his arms. Sirius clung to the sandy-haired boy slowly controlling his tears.

"Don't ever let me meet your family, Re" Sirius told him. "I will never forgive them for treating you like this, never in a million years. I will kill them if I ever see them, I'm warning you now. How could they make you believe you were anything less than special?"

Remus was warmed by his friend's words. "Your family is the same, in that way, you know" he said quietly.

Sirius stiffened suddenly. "How do you mean?" he asked.

"You know as well as I do what you've suffered at the hands of your family" Remus told him softly. "I've always wanted to make your family pay for what they've done to you." He smiled suddenly. "We are a mess, the pair of us" he said, amused slightly. "It's going to take a lot for either of us to sort our lives out." His smile turned to a grimace of pain as he spoke.

"Remus?" Sirius' tone turned worried as he moved away from his friend.

"It's nothing, just a scratch" the boy said, refusing to meet the silver stare being directed at him. Remus sighed and pulled his pajama top up a little way, revealing a large bandage around his waist. "It really is nothing" he insisted. "I've lived through much worse."

"Can I see?" Sirius asked suddenly. "Or not if you don't want" he added quickly, as Remus' expression changed. "I'll show you mine if you do; I promise I'm not leaving you, Re."

The werewolf sighed, and pulled his top off, looking away from the boy next to him.

Sirius forced himself not to gasp in horror as he looked at his friend. Most of his fair skin was littered with silver scars. A great deal of them looked old and healed, but a few were raw and fresh-looking. He flicked his black hair out of his eyes before leaning closer to Remus and lightly tracing a ragged scar which stretched from his neck to his shoulder. "Is that the bite?" he whispered, seeing his friend nod slightly. "Wow, it's big. I suppose it's kind of grown with you though. That's amazing, it really is." He ran his fingers over the deep scar again, frowning as Remus' eyes closed and his breathing increased very slightly. "I don't want you to get cold, Re. I'll let you have this back." He tossed the pajama top gently back to the shivering boy.

After a little while of silence, Remus turned and looked straight at his friend. "You said you'd show me yours. What happened to you, Sirius?"

The boy took a deep breath, looking uncomfortable. "You could say I happened to myself I suppose." He couldn't meet Remus' gentle gaze, but looked down at his hands. "Promise you won't judge me, Re."

The amber-eyed boy took Sirius' hand in his. "I would never do anything to hurt you; you know that in your heart, Sirius. Please let me share your burden."

Sirius pulled his shirt over his head. "Concealment charm, standard book of spells grade four. You know the counter, if you really want to know about this." He closed his eyes, and braced himself.

Remus could not stop his gasp. "Oh Sirius, you poor, poor thing" he said softly, a single tear escaping from one amber eye. Hundreds of tiny white lines graced Sirius' perfect arms. "My poor child, I didn't realise they had driven you to this." He put his arms around the black-haired boy and held him close.

Sirius sat stiffly for a moment, before practically collapsing into Remus' arms. "I'm sorry you saw that, Re" he whispered into his friend's sandy hair. "You don't need any more things to worry about."

Remus held Sirius away from him, and put a finger under his chin, forcing him to meet his gaze. "Listen to me. You will never be a burden to me and this is nothing to apologise for. You've done no more wrong than I have."

Sirius nodded slightly, eyes downcast again.

"I know you don't really believe me, Siri, but it really is true. I swear to you I will always be here for you, no matter what happens. Can you try to promise me something, Sirius?" he asked gently.

"I'll try; what is it?" his friend mumbled.

"If it gets so bad you feel this is the only way things can improve, can you try to find me first? I'm not going to try to make you stop, because this is something you will have to fight yourself. I want at least to know if you feel life is that bad. I hope I might be able to do or say something that might change your mind. Can you promise me that?"

Sirius looked up at him, tears shining in his silver eyes. "I want it to stop, Moony, I really do. I promise I'll try to find you" he told his friend hoarsely. "Don't tell anyone, will you?"

"I swear I won't tell anyone. I'd never hurt you like that." Remus looked at his friend with a slight smile on his tired face. "You are the only one who's ever looked after me throughout my changes, you know. I'd never throw that away, not for all the world." 

Sirius smiled brightly. "You really mean that, Moony? I've helped you?"

"More than you could ever imagine" his friend told him sincerely. "I honestly don't believe I'd still be here if it wasn't for you, and no I'm not just saying it to make you feel better" he added crossly, seeing Sirius' expression. "You're the only person who really makes me feel, well, normal I suppose."

"You're saying I'm the only one crazier than you; so you're normal by default? I guess that makes sense" Sirius smiled; then quickly turned serious. "I know what you're saying, Moony, I really do. It means a lot to me that I've been able to do some good. I promise you, Moony, I'm going to find a way to help you properly. I hate just being here to pick up the pieces after the event. I'd like it if I could stop you being hurt at all."

"I'd like that too" Remus said, smiling at him. "I don't know that it will be possible, however."

"Let's not give up before we start, Remus. I have the advantage of ignorance, and I intend to use it to remain optimistic, if it's all the same to you."

"I am sorry, my friend" Remus said, smiling as Sirius had started to brighten up again. "Will you at least put your shirt on first? If you don't, you'll have to wade through seas of fainting girls, and that will only slow you down."

Sirius grinned, flicking his hair away from his face. "I can't help having the perfect body, Moony. If it makes you feel better, I will remove my torso from your offended eyes." He pulled his shirt over his head and got to his feet. "You need to get some rest, Moony. I need you to be well again, I can't last much longer without you." The black-haired boy smiled at his friend and left Remus to drift back to sleep.

"James! There you are! I've been looking for you everywhere" a black whirlwind descended and swept his friend out of the common room and through the school, not pausing or speaking until they reached the library.

James managed to wrestle himself from Sirius' strong grasp and straightened his glasses. "What is it?" he asked wearily, smiling despite himself at Sirius' eager expression.

"I need your help, James. I've promised Remus something that I can't do, so I need you to find the answer with me."

"Let's start at the beginning, shall we?" James said patiently, used to dealing with his friend by now.

Sirius took a deep breath, relaxing himself slightly. "Right, well I've told Remus we'll help him find a way so he doesn't hurt himself any more when he ummm…"

"Has his furry little problem?" James cut in helpfully, grinning.

"Yes, that's it. Only I can't think of a way that we can without getting hurt. So I need some help and thought you might have some ideas." Sirius looked hopefully at his friend, his silver eyes shining.

James sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Surely, if there was a way, it would have been discovered by now. There's not a cure for it."

"I think we're looking at this the wrong way" Sirius said, frowning. "I don't think we should look to cure it at the moment. After all, if no-one has found a cure yet, we're not going to find it in here." He indicated the books around him. "So what can we do so he doesn't harm himself?"

"He has a worse time of it when he's unhappy, I know that" James said. "So we need to find him a way of staying happy. What, aside from the physical hurt of the change, is the worst part for him?"

Sirius thought hard. "I think it may have something to do with being left on his own" he told James slowly. "I know he hated being alone as a child. Presumably that fear has never left him."

"So we need to find a way of finding someone to go with him. Which is difficult as he wouldn't know the difference between a friend and dinner" James said quietly.

"Right. So we can't go with him, as we're human. James, I've thought of something" Sirius said suddenly. "We could become something that isn't human."

"What, a Slytherin? There has to be a better way."

Sirius hit him impatiently. "Don't be annoying. I mean is there a way we can change into an animal, like Remus? We'd be safe then."

James' eyes lit up. "Now that's actually possible. Hold that thought" he said, disappearing off down a row of books.

Moments later, he returned. A massive book dropped onto the desk in front of Sirius. "Animagi?" he read. "What are they?" he asked, looking up quizzically.

"They, my friend, are Wizards who become animals. You should actually attend transfiguration one day, Sirius; you'd be amazed what can be done." He smiled at his friend's expression. "One problem; this is from the restricted section. I'll hide it then get it tonight with my cloak. This is very advanced magic though, Sirius. We might not be able to do it yet."

"I won't tell Remus then; not until we've actually managed it. I don't want to tell him if we're going to fail." 

James patted his friend's shoulder. "We might just do this, you know. Let's exercise some of that massive brain of yours that Remus is always going on about." 

Sirius awoke with a start that night as James shook him awake. "Did you get it?" he asked excitedly. 

James nodded. "I had a bit of a close call with Filch, but no problems other than that. We'll start in the morning, Sirius, ok?"

"Brilliant; Thanks James" Sirius said, closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep again.

Early the following morning, James was awoken by Sirius bouncing merrily on his bed. "Wake up James!" he cried, before falling in a heap on the floor as James kicked him off the bed. He sprung to his feet in a flash and began tugging at James' pillow. "On your feet, Potter; you're wasting precious time."

"Is it too much to ask to get breakfast before we start?" James asked grumpily.

Sirius sighed theatrically. "Fine, if we must. But hurry up!" He bounded out of the room leaving James to get dressed.

The boy shook his head, reaching for his glasses. He could tell it was going to be a very long day. He got dressed rapidly, knowing Sirius wouldn't leave him alone for very long. He was hurried down to the great hall and rushed through his breakfast. He growled good-naturedly at his friend as Sirius ordered him upstairs to fetch the book. "Fine, I'll go and get it" he said eventually, holding up his hands as a sign of defeat. "I'll meet you down by the lake. Go and see Remus quickly or you'll be fretting all day about him" he added, as Sirius had been able to talk about nothing else all morning.

Sirius flashed him a lightning grin and sped out of the hall. James sighed, suddenly feeling tired. Being around Sirius for any length of time had always had this effect on him. He got slowly to his feet and made his way back to the dormitory.

Sirius meanwhile sped along to the hospital wing. He was so pleased he had thought of a way to help Remus that he didn't watch where he was going and consequently didn't see professor Dumbledore until he had bounced off him and landed in an ungainly heap on the floor. "Sorry, professor" he said quickly, noticing in relief that the Wizard's eyes were sparkling.

"Off to see Mr. Lupin, Sirius?" Dumbledore asked gently.

"Yes sir" Sirius admitted, grinning. "He's not too bad this time. I'm hoping we've found a way so that he'll be even better next time."

"That is something to hope for, certainly" the old man replied gravely. He looked closely at the boy for a moment or two, appearing to be thinking quickly. "Perhaps, I think that might be the case, if you persist. Try to resist falling about the hallways, Mr. Black." He treated Sirius to a rare smile, lightly side-stepped the boy's prone form and continued down the corridor.

Sirius sat, puzzling over Dumbledore's words for a moment, then grinned as he realised what was meant by them. Dumbledore had an inkling of the plan he and James had formed. He felt sure that if it was not to be, Dumbledore would have advised against trying. With a light heart, Sirius trotted into the hospital wing. Quickly, he made his way to Remus' bed and sat on the chair beside him. How are you feeling?" he asked by way of greeting.

Remus looked up over his reading glasses at him with a smile. He set his book down and took off his glasses. "I think I'm almost well again. At least, I'm being freed this afternoon."

"That's great news!" Sirius exclaimed. "Was Dumbledore in here just now? I just ran into him outside – literally. That man must be made of steel, I bounced right off him and he didn't move!"

Remus laughed. "Yes, he came in to see how I was. He usually checks how my transformations have gone." He looked carefully at his friend. "What is it, Sirius? It's early for you to be up on a Sunday, and you're practically glowing with excitement. What have you done to the Slytherins this morning?"

Sirius shot his friend a look. "Why, just because I'm happy, do you assume I have done something bad? For your information, Remus, I have done nothing to the Slytherins. I have behaved angelically since your disapproval of yesterday's prank."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "I doubt that, Sirius. I don't think you would ever be capable of being angelic."

Sirius clasped his hands to his heart. "You've hurt me Remus!" he cried theatrically. "How can I ever redeem myself, or am I doomed forever to appear evil in your eyes?" 

The sandy-haired boy grinned. "I'm sure I'll think of something you can do for me. I'll let you know. In the meantime, you can tell me why you're being even more bouncy and obnoxious than normal."

"Well if you're going to be like that" Sirius began, looking hurt.

"Sirius" the werewolf said softly, as the black-haired boy began to get to his feet. He turned. "What is it?" he asked grumpily.

"Sit down. You know I don't mean to hurt you" Remus said patiently, watching his friend closely.

"You know I can never be angry with you, not even a little bit" Sirius said. "You can stop giving me that look, you've already won" he added, sitting down again.

Remus sat back in the bed, still watching the other boy carefully. "What is it, Sirius? You're jumpier and slightly more strange than normal."

Sirius shook his hair out of his eyes. "It's nothing much yet, Re, but I might have found the first tiny step in the right direction to help you a little bit. James is helping me, so you have two massive and under-used brains in on the project. I wasn't going to say anything at all, because I don't want to promote false hope. But I knew you would be accusing me of being weird and unusual even by my standards if I didn't tell you something." He looked at his friend, a smile in his silver eyes. "Is that enough for you for the present, my inquisitive little Moony?"

Remus cast his eyes down, the ghost of a blush tainting his cheeks. "Sorry, Sirius, you know insecurities run high just after a change" he said softly.

Sirius grinned wider. "I know, my little Moonykins" he said brightly, watching with a smirk as Remus winced at the pet name. He got to his feet. "I'd love to stay with you all day, but James and I have planned to wreak some havoc. You know how it is when you're not around to be rational at us." He planted a kiss on Remus' head. "I'll see you later" he said, waving as he left.

Remus rolled his eyes at Sirius' retreating back. He put his glasses back on and picked up his book again.

Sirius swiftly made his way down to the spot on the lake where he and James always met to plan things. His friend was already there, and looked like he had been waiting for a little while. "Found your way finally, did you?" he asked with a wry grin as Sirius neared him.

The black-haired boy grinned. "Just about, in the end. James, I think this could work. I ran into Dumbledore and he made some really odd comment about Remus having a good change next time. I think he knows what we're up to."

"Sirius, he always knows what we're up to. He can't be entirely human, that's for sure. That and he would be able to read your intentions; you must be easy to read by a Wizard like Dumbledore."

Sirius shrugged. "Never mind, it could be worse. Let's get started, James; Moony's being let out this afternoon and I want to keep this quiet, in case he's disappointed."

James smiled. "Right, are you ready for this?" he asked, opening the book on the contents page. The boys scanned it quickly together. "There" James said suddenly, pointing to one line. "That's got to be how to become an Animagus." He flipped it open to the right page, and the boys began to read.

A while later; Sirius sighed and sat up. "This is going to take some work" he said slowly. "There's some really complex stuff in there. I've not seen anything so intense in a while."

"Don't give up yet, Sirius" James said, patting his friend's shoulder carelessly. "We've managed some pretty severe things before. It's just going to take a bit of patience."

"Hide it James" Sirius hissed suddenly, spotting a figure rushing over to them. 

James threw his invisibility cloak over the book and followed Sirius' gaze. "Where?" he asked, being unable to see that far.

Sirius shielded his eyes from the sun, waiting for the figure to come closer. "It's Peter" he said finally.

"Can we tell him?" James asked spotting at last the ungainly boy running in their direction.

"How much do you trust him?" Sirius said, directing his silver gaze upon the boy beside him.

"He knows about Remus' secret" James said, shrugging. "This is less of a big thing. If we don't tell him he'll only bug us until we do" he continued.

Sirius sighed. "Fine" he said eventually. "I don't want Remus hurt though. Make sure he keeps this quiet."  
"I will" James promised, waving at Peter as he came closer.

Peter panted to a halt, grinning at his friends. "What are you doing?" he asked, collapsing on the grass beside them.

James told him about their plan and showed him the book they had found in the library.

"Can I do it too?" the fat boy asked eagerly.

"It's going to be hard work, Pete, but you're welcome to try with us" James told him kindly.

The smaller boy puffed up with pride. "I'll try as hard as I can" he promised fervently.

The three spent the whole morning down by the lake, reading the book and experimenting with the spells written down inside it.

Finally, Peter cleared his throat. "It's lunch time" he told the other two. "Do you want to get some lunch?"

Sirius looked as if he wanted to refuse, but James cut in. "Sounds good, Pete. Remus should be out after lunch anyway, so we're going to have to stop for now" he added, looking at Sirius.

The black-haired boy nodded eventually. "Let's go to lunch" he said, sighing. "James, do you think we're ever going to work this out?"

The boy adjusted his glasses and slapped his friend on the back. "We're going to do this, Sirius. I'm not going to give up until we can help Remus."

Sirius grinned happily. "Thanks, mate. This means a lot you know. I can't take Remus being this hurt for much longer."

"I know" James answered sympathetically. 

After lunch, the three made it back to the common room. James agreed to play chess with Peter and Sirius, having put his disguising spell on the book, continued to read. James and Peter had just started their second game when the portrait-hole opened and Remus walked stiffly through.

Sirius brightened instantly and rushed to help Remus into a chair. "Thanks" the sandy-haired boy said, with a soft smile at the silver-eyed boy, who returned the gesture.

"How are you feeling?" Sirius asked as he regained his seat, between Remus and the fire-place.

"So much better, but I'm still a bit tired" Remus confessed. "I don't think I'm going to be doing much this afternoon." 

"We've been outside all morning, so I think we'll be around and not too energetic company for you" Sirius told him. "Do you need anything? I'll fetch you a blanket or something if you like."

Remus caught his arm as he got to his feet again. "I'm fine, Sirius; really" he added firmly as Sirius shot him a sceptical look. With a strength well hidden in his slim frame, he pulled Sirius back down into his chair. "So what mess have you all been making without me to tell you not to?" he asked, a gentle smile on his bruised face.

"Nothing at all, my dear Moony" Sirius replied, his most innocent look in place.

Remus laughed at him. "Don't you realise yet that the more innocent you try to look, the more guilty you appear to be?" he teased his friend quietly. "Sirius, I _know_ you. That look may fool the professors, but you can't hide anything from me. Did you have much luck with the idea you had this morning?" he asked, changing the subject as Sirius started to look uncomfortable.

"I'm not sure" Sirius said honestly. "I've had one really good idea, but even with the combined brain capacity of James and myself, we're not sure we can work it all out. I'll keep you posted though. You never know, we could make a major breakthrough and get all the money we'll ever need!"

Remus sighed. "I knew there would be an ulterior motive, Sirius. There always seems to be, whenever people say they're trying to help." Quicker than seemed possible for a person so frail, Remus got up and walked out the common room towards the dormitory stairs.

"Sirius! What did you say?" James hissed at his friend.

The black-haired boy rubbed the back of his neck angrily. "I forgot how sensitive he can be after a change, James. He's just taken something completely the wrong way, that's all. I'll go and talk to him" he said, getting to his feet and following the werewolf upstairs.

As he entered the dormitory, he saw Remus' curtains were closed. He sighed. "Remus? You know it's me; I know you can hear me, even through those curtains" he said quietly, edging towards his friend's bed.

"I thought you wanted to help me because you were my friend, not to make your millions" a small voice said through the drapes.

"Remus, you know I wouldn't care about the money. I still have that even though I've been disowned" Sirius said, adding quickly: "and I didn't mean to say anything to hurt you, Remus. I'm doing this because I'm your friend, and I can't face seeing you so hurt every month. Look; this is silly. I'm coming in, whether you like it or not." He made his way to the edge of the bed, and pulled the curtains back far enough to crawl through. He was tensed, waiting in case Remus decided he didn't want his territory invaded. The boy had stronger animal instincts than normal at these times and Sirius had been caught off his guard before.

"You needn't be so worried. I can smell your fear" Remus told him flatly, watching from his cross-legged position at the head of the bed.

Sirius sighed, deliberately relaxing his stance. "I'm sorry, Re" he said quietly. "I didn't think about what I was saying. Of course I want to help you, that's all I want to do. Will you forgive me for being irritating and unthoughtful?" He looked up at Remus with his big silver eyes.

The werewolf moved a little closer, so he could look into those eyes; searching for the truth behind the words. After a moment, he visibly relaxed; sitting back again. He cast his eyes down. "I'm sorry, my friend" he mumbled. "My judgment can be so faulty when I'm not quite myself."

Sirius smiled openly at the boy beside him. "It's ok, Moony. "I'll learn to think before I open my big mouth one of these days."

Remus grinned. "I doubt that; but I don't want you to. It's one of your more endearing, and amusing, habits."

"So I'm forgiven?" Sirius asked, happy he had managed to sort things out so quickly.

"Yes, Sirius, you are forgiven. Even if I wanted to, you'd have to do something far worse before I ignored you for too long."

Sirius caught him in a hug. "Thank you, Moony!" he cried, hastily backing away as Remus yelped in pain. "Sorry" he said, looking shamefaced. "I forgot you weren't all mended just yet." His gaze swept his friend quickly, and he noticed Remus still was looking far from well. "Now you are going to go to bed" he said firmly, slipping into his monthly routine of nagging Remus after full moons.

"Yes, Sirius" the sandy-haired boy said meekly, flashing a wicked grin at his friend as he turned wrathfully upon him.

"Would you prefer me to leave you to struggle on your own?" Sirius asked, a sparkle in his eyes showing his amusement.

"No, Sirius" Remus intoned mournfully, looking up out of the corner of his amber eyes.

Sirius sighed loudly. "You're impossible" he stated firmly. "Right Moony; let's sort you out." The black-haired boy efficiently ushered Remus through his bed-time routine and helped him into bed, as the smaller boy was fading fast. "You _are_ going to get some sleep now, whether you like it or not" Sirius told him briskly.

Remus smiled tiredly. "I'm not going to argue with you on that point, my friend" he said softly.

Sirius looked concerned. "You are all right aren't you? It's nothing more than normal, I mean" he continued as Remus rolled his eyes.

The smaller boy nodded. "I really am, I promise. It just takes a lot out of me. I know I'll be much better tomorrow."

"You better be" Sirius told him sternly. "Now sleep, my little Moony." He ruffled his hair gently and left him to finally get some rest.

Sirius walked down the dormitory stairs in a thoughtful mood. He made his way back to his chair blindly and sat down, thinking hard. He blinked and looked up as he was punched in the leg. "What?" he asked, seeing his attacker looking exasperatedly at him.

"I said; how is Remus?" James repeated, grinning at the blank look on his friend's face.

"He's fine. I explained myself and he apologised for mistaking what I said. He's resting now so hopefully he'll be fine in the morning."

"You really worry about him, don't you" James said, a gentle smile on his face.

"No-one else seems to have ever cared about my little Moony" Sirius said absently.

James raised an eyebrow at him questioningly. "Remus and I had a bit of a heart-to-heart in the hospital wing yesterday" Sirius explained. It seems as if his perfect-seeming parents were not all they could have been to him. I think we're the closest he's had to a family since he was bitten. I think that's why he's so insecure in is friendships with us. Maybe he thinks we'll disown him as his first family did."

"There's no way we're going to, however" the messy-haired boy said firmly. "I hope he knows it. I'm sure you can remind him for us whenever he's down."

Why don't you tell him?" Sirius asked, puzzled.

"Haven't you noticed?" James said, a gentle smile playing about his lips. "Whenever he's hurt in any way, it's always you he goes to. He trusts you with everything. He's never spoken to me or Pete about his feelings, or his family. I think you mean more to him than we ever could."

"I'd never really thought about it" Sirius confessed. "But now that you mention it, I can see that it's true."

"I actually think that you're good for him, Sirius. Don't abuse the trust he's placed in you."

"You think I would ever do anything to hurt Remus?" Sirius rounded on his friend almost angrily.

James gave another strange smile. "I know you'd never mean to, Sirius; never in a million years. I've got something he might like to hear" he said, changing the subject abruptly. When you were upstairs, I spoke to Lily. Apparently her friend Eustacie likes Remus. They study together some times; do you know who I mean?"

"What, the little blonde girl with braces?" Sirius asked sharply.

James nodded. "That's the one, yes. Lily says she talks about him all the time. Do you mind if I tell Remus?"

"Why should I mind?" the black-haired boy snapped. What's it got to do with me? It's not like we're married or anything." 

With a shrug, James said: "OK, if you say so. Lily just wanted to be sure Remus was available, before Eustacie embarrassed herself."

Sirius stared at him. "What are you suggesting, James?" he asked, looking shocked.

"Nothing at all" James replied, looking directly at his friend. "Lily just wanted to make sure that as close as you two are, you're not … any closer" he finished slowly.

"If any of these rumours come to Remus' ears, he might get really hurt" Sirius said, rounding angrily on his friend, silver eyes flashing dangerously. "If they do, I will hunt that girl of yours down and rip her to pieces."

"Don't you see?" James said quietly, unworried by Sirius' aggressive stance. "That's why she thought it. You're more possessive over Remus than 'just friends' are. You spend all your time together, you tell each other everything, and you look after each other like a couple would. I'm not saying it is true, Sirius, but you must see my point."

Sirius opened his mouth to speak, then paused and closed his mouth slowly. "That's something to think about" he said quietly. He sat back in his chair, staring into the middle-distance. "James?" he asked after a while.

"Yes?"

"What do you think? Do you think she's right?" Sirius tossed back his hair, fixing his silver gaze onto his friend's face.

James gave a non-committal shrug. "I don't know. I don't mind either way, it doesn't bother me. You're not denying it, Siri" he added softly, watching the taller boy's expression curiously.

"I don't think I can, at least not just yet. To be honest, I'd never expected to have to" Sirius told him frankly. After a moment, he stood up. "Remus tells me I have a habit of speaking without thinking. Right now I think I should go somewhere else before I say something I might later come to regret." He waved casually at his friend before wandering out of the portrait door.

As James watched him go, a slim red-head appeared at his elbow. "Well?" Lily asked eagerly.

James looked down at her, smiling. "I think Sirius has got a lot to think about. I said Eustacie liked Remus and he immediately got really jealous and angry. I'm surprised he didn't hit me when I basically accused him of being gay. He's gone off somewhere to think."

"I don't think he's gay, exactly" Lily said thoughtfully. "It's not so much about him liking guys and not girls, it's just that I'm sure he likes Remus as more than just a friend."

"What about Remus?" James asked suddenly. "What if all we're going to achieve by this is Sirius and Remus falling out? Remus has had enough of a hard time without us making it worse for him."

Lily looked torn. "I can't say, exactly" she said finally. "Remus said something to me, once, that made me feel that he might be in love with him. It's for them to sort out from now on, I think."

James sighed. "Let's hope they sort it out fast, then. Sirius is going to be impossible until this is decided one way or another." 

Sirius wandered along the corridors of the school in a daze. Why couldn't he deny what James had asked him? He couldn't be gay, he just couldn't be. Yes, he was very close to Remus, they were such good friends. He had told Remus things that he would not dream of telling James and especially not Peter. Of course he was more protective of Remus, though. He had had to deal with more than a boy his age should have had to. He knew Remus, despite his frail appearance, was the strongest of the four friends. The werewolf characteristics saw to that. He still wanted to protect the boy from any possible harm.

He couldn't be in love with Remus, surely? Sirius was becoming increasingly puzzled. At last, he decided the thing to do would be to confront the person who first voiced the opinion. He needed to track down Lily Evans.

"Evans!" a voice shouted across the courtyard, finally having spotted his prey.

Lily looked up from her book. She smiled as she saw the black-haired boy approach her, a frown on his handsome face. "Yes Sirius, what is it?" she replied politely.

"I have a feeling you know damn well what this is about, Evans" Sirius replied irritably. "Look, can we go somewhere to talk?"

Lily entrusted her book to one of the friends she was sitting with, who were all watching this exchange curiously, and got to her feet, brushing the grass off her skirt. "Come on then" she said kindly. Now that she was closer to the boy, she could see his agitation. Worry lines creased his smooth forehead, and his lips were red and swollen from where he had been biting at them.

Sirius led them quickly away from the castle, down towards the lake, stopping finally in a deserted grassy patch, with a good view of the surrounding areas. The boy threw himself down onto the grass and watched Lily as she sat down gracefully. "You've made existence more than slightly unbearable, you know" he told her bluntly, a sparkle even now in his silver eyes.

The red-head shrugged apologetically. "Sorry. I didn't ask Potter to tell you, but he couldn't cope with not knowing. Is that what you want to talk about?" she asked.

Sirius nodded slowly. "How do I know if what you suggest is right? And if it is, what do I do? I'll never be able to have a conversation like that with Re, ever."

"Well the first thing we need to establish is whether it's true or not" Lily told him sensibly. "There's no point in worrying about telling him if there's nothing to tell."

"True" Sirius agreed. "I just don't see that I could be gay" he told her honestly. "I've dated girls, and had a good time."

"I don't think you're gay, exactly. It is possible to like both men and women, however" Lily said. "But this is about how you feel about one person: namely Remus. Since you two have become good friends, you haven't actually dated anyone" she added thoughtfully. "How would you feel if Remus started dating someone?" she asked, watching with slight satisfaction as anger shot through his silver eyes.

"I wouldn't care" he said airily.

Lily said nothing, merely raising a disbelieving eyebrow at him.

After a moment, the boy cracked. "Merlin woman, you're as bad as Remus. All right, so I wouldn't be too happy. But that's more because I'd be lonely than because I'd be jealous."

"Are you sure?" the red head asked softly.

Sirius buried his head in his hands. "I don't know!" he wailed. Raising his head momentarily, his eyes searched out hers. "I really don't" he told her firmly.

"Describe him to me" Lily said suddenly.

Sirius looked surprised. "I'll try" he agreed. He lay down on the soft grass, looking up at the blue sky. "He's a pure-blood from an unloving family. Despite, or possibly because of his cold and lonely childhood, he's exceptionally kind and understanding, and very patient, in my case. He is incredibly intelligent, but irritatingly modest about it. He appears frail, thanks to his changes and his inability to put a book down long enough to finish a meal; but he's far stronger than anyone I've ever met, both physically and mentally."

"What does he look like" Lily asked in her soft voice, smiling gently down at him.

Sirius took a deep breath, holding it a minute, and breathing out slowly to relax and calm himself. "He's a little shorter than me, but not much. He's got sandy hair, which he always manages to keep neat, no matter how hard I try to annoy him by messing it up. His eyes are strange, a sort of amber colour; although his reading glasses are on for too much of the day for many people to have noticed. Lily, you should see his body" he said, surprising her by looking straight at her briefly. "The scars; they cover him." He closed his eyes, remembering the time spent in the hospital wing. "He's not got an ounce of fat on him, either. He can get painfully thin around this time of the month just gone. He's still so strong, though. Lily, I hate you" he said miserably, all of a sudden.

"Why?" she asked gently.

He practically growled at her. "You've only gone and made me realise there's some truth in your words, haven't you" he told her crossly, throwing grass at her as her smile widened. "What am I going to do now, you horrible woman?" he snarled at her, a rueful smile in his eyes. "Now life is going to be unbearable. You _know_ Moony won't want to hear about this. He's got enough to worry about with keeping up with school work, without fretting constantly that I'm going to jump him while he's sleeping."

Lily laughed. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help it" she apologised hurriedly. "Sirius, did you ever think that maybe Remus could like you too?"

Sirius looked at her quickly. "Does he?" he asked sharply, trying to read her expression.

"I don't know for sure, I really don't" she told him sadly. "I think that it may be possible. Even if he doesn't, you know Remus. He has the maturity to talk things through with you, and for you two to remain friends."

"Or he'll never speak to me again."

"That is a possibility, I suppose" Lily conceded sympathetically. "So you do like him then?"

Sirius shook his head at her, laughing. "Of course I do, you irritating female" he admitted. "I can't think of anyone at all I'd rather be with. It just seems so weird to even be thinking about this. I mean, we're best friends, and both boys. It's not normal, is it?"

"Since when did Sirius Black conform to what was expected of him?" Lily told him, smiling. "You've disowned your family; become the first of them to be in Gryffindor. You've befriended werewolves, muggles and half-bloods, very un-aristocratic of you; and now you've fallen for said werewolf, who also happens to be male."

"It's an interesting life, don't you think?" he said, the ghost of a smile on his face.

"Certainly" Lily agreed, shivering as a slight breeze blew round them suddenly. She looked at the sky, noticing that the sun was just beginning to set. "Come on, Black" she said. "It's got to be dinner-time. Come and face the world." The girl got to her feet, holding out a hand to him.

Sirius shook his hair back and accepted her hand, pulling himself up. He surprised her by catching her up in a quick hug. "You didn't deserve that, you've messed my life up completely" he told her solemnly, eyes sparkling at her despite himself.

Lily tucked her small hand inside his. "I just feel sorry for the female population of Hogwarts" she told him, grinning. "If not only you, but also Remus are both to come off the market. They'll all be throwing themselves off the astronomy tower before we know it."

"I can't help being irresistible, and nor can Remus" he told her seriously, grinning down at her as she slapped his chest half-heartedly with her free hand. "So can I be your gay best friend, Lily?" Sirius asked her, smiling at her look of surprise. "I've heard every girl needs one, and I think we'd be good for each other. You can help me with Remus, and I'll stop taunting you about Potter. Besides, you deserve having to put up with me; you're the one who messed my life up. Do we have a deal?"

The red-head smiled up at him. "Sounds fair" she said quietly. "Speaking of Potter, however, I don't suppose he'll be thrilled if I walk into dinner holding hands with his best friend."

Sirius grinned wickedly. "Oh, come on Lily! This could be funny. He thinks I'm gay anyway, so he can't be jealous of me, can he? Come on, the scandalous gossip will be hilarious. You know, I might tell Remus that I'm gay" he told her quietly as they entered the castle. "I'm not ready to tell him anything else, but it's a good start don't you think?" As they entered the hall together, they were conscious of a sudden hush.

"Sirius, do you think that's enough scandal for the masses now?" Lily hissed as people began to talk again.

He looked down at her. "Have I embarrassed you?" he asked, flashing a grin at her.

"You know you have" she said crossly, not being able to withstand the charming grin still on his face. "I don't know how Remus puts up with you, I really don't" she said, pulling her hand free so that she could sit down.

"Because I'm irresistibly charming, and you know it" he told her seriously. "Now, Evans, eat." He turned his attention to the food in front of him.

Sirius whiled away most of the evening catching up with the schoolwork that was due in the following morning. James and Peter had long since gone up to bed, but he couldn't bring himself to walk up the stairs. Before long, the common-room began to empty out. Lessons started early the next morning, so no-one stayed up too late. It wasn't many minutes before Sirius was alone. He was sat on a sofa in front of the fire, idly flicking though the animagus tome James had found. He was startled out of his daze by a stair creaking. He turned to see Remus slowly making his way over. Remembering to tap the book twice with his wand, Sirius put it on the floor in front of him and sat up, making room for his friend.

"Why aren't you sleeping Remus?" Sirius asked as the sandy-haired boy sat next to him.

"I could ask you the same question" he returned gently. "Pete and James came up hours ago. What's wrong, Sirius?" he asked, turning to the boy beside him.

"I've had to think some things through, Re" the black-haired boy confessed, meeting those amber eyes for the first time that evening.

"What is it?" he asked again, searching Sirius' silver eyes for a hint of the trouble.

Sirius to his annoyance felt a blush staining his cheeks and looked away, hoping the glow from the fire would hide it. "I've been talking to Lily" he began, not knowing where to start. "She's made me realise some things about myself, one thing in particular."

"What's that?" Remus persisted gently.

Sirius sighed, looking over at the boy next to him. "I was going to tell you, when I had decided how to say it. But I'll tell you now. This again is one of those times that I plead for you not to judge me." He waited until Remus nodded, then took a deep breath. "I'm gay, Remus" he blurted out eventually, unable to hold it back any longer."

Remus sat back slightly, leaning against the cushions. Sirius noticed that he was still looking tired and bruised. "Are you?" the sandy haired boy said, trying to take in what his friend had just said.

Sirius nodded. "Yes, I am. It feels weird to say" he admitted, flashing a smile at the werewolf.

Remus laughed softly. "I can imagine it would. It's probably along the lines of 'yes, I _am_ a werewolf.'" He looked fondly at his friend. "It feels good when the person you tell doesn't run away screaming, doesn't it?" he said, smiling at the expression on the other boy's face. "Did you expect me to be shocked and horrified?" he asked. "Sorry, Siri, but I'm too tired to rise to the occasion. Try me again in the morning, and I'll be as shocked as you like."  
Sirius smiled, feeling himself relax finally. "Moony the unshockable; I like the sound of that" he said, laughing as Remus rolled his eyes.

"Quiet now, Sirius, you were doing great up until that point" the amber-eyed boy admonished him.

"Sorry" Sirius apologised, grinning down at the smaller boy. "Thanks for being so understanding" he said.

"Any time" Remus said absently. "Have you told James?" he asked after a while.

"No, I wanted to tell you first, Re" Sirius said honestly. "For one thing, I thought you'd be more accepting, and anyway, Lily's bound to tell James anyway, so he'll know soon enough."

"Thanks for trusting me first, Sirius" Remus said, yawning suddenly. "That means a lot to me" added sleepily, moving slightly, so his head was leaning on Sirius' shoulder. Amber eyes drifted shut as sleep overcame the exhausted boy.

The black-haired boy felt a tingle sweep through his body as Remus leant against him. He closed his eyes briefly, feeling strange emotions engulfing him. When he felt more in control of himself, he looked down at the boy sleeping trustingly against him. Brushing the hair softly off Remus' face, he shook himself, deliberately breaking the spell over his thoughts while he was still in control. Sirius stood, picking Remus up as if he weighed nothing and walked carefully across the common-room and up the stairs to their dormitory. He managed to ease the still-sleeping Remus back into bed, pulling the covers over him. For a moment, he let himself gaze upon the sleeping figure, before kissing the boy lightly on the forehead and taking himself to bed. 

Sirius awoke in the morning when he was pulled roughly out of bed by James.

"Come on Sirius!" the messy-haired boy was ranting; "We've nearly missed breakfast. We'll be late for lessons at this rate."

The boy on the floor shook his black hair out of his eyes, groaning. "Good morning to you too James" he managed, yawning. His eyes widened slightly as Remus wandered in from the shower-room clad in a towel. He blushed, hurriedly averting his gaze as he got to his feet and dove for the shower. He washed in record time, catching his own gaze in the mirror as he dried himself off. "Control yourself today, Black" he told his reflection sternly. He rushed back into the dormitory and threw on some clothes, before hurrying downstairs and meeting the others as they were leaving for breakfast. "Not quite quick enough to leave without me" he told them, grinning. "You all know you're not complete without me. Where would the marauders be without the pretty one?" he added, flashing a smirk at James as his friend rolled his eyes.

"Why are you so cheerful, you prat?" James asked him exasperatedly as Sirius made a spirited attempt to steal his glasses. "I dumped you on the floor to wake you up. That usually leads to at least a half hour sulk before you grace me with conversation."

"I've decided it's more of a punishment if I'm annoyingly cheerful" Sirius told him, smiling. He was stilled momentarily by a gentle hand on his back.

"Quieten down now, Siri" Remus' soft voice admonished lightly.

The silver-haired boy immediately took a step away from James, stopping what he was doing, leaving James to stare at him.

"What?" Sirius said, staring back at James, who shrugged.

"That must have been magic, how do you do that, Remus?"

The sandy haired boy shook his head, laughing. "I'm not going to divulge my secrets, Potter" he said smugly. 

The three headed into breakfast, for once following Peter, who had given up on them and gone on ahead, drawn by the smell of the food.

After lessons that day, James and Sirius headed off to Quidditch practice. "Did you think any more about … what we were talking about yesterday?" James asked awkwardly, as the left the castle, beginning the trek across the grounds.

"It's true, all of it" Sirius told him bluntly, a half-smile playing about his lips as he thought about Remus for the umpteenth time that day. "I told Remus last night."

"Everything?" James asked curiously.

Sirius shook his head. "I couldn't face telling him everything at once. Full moon was barely over, I didn't want to upset him more than what was necessary. I told him that I think I'm gay, but didn't tell him about my feelings for him. I'm not ready to cross that bridge just yet. When I'm used to the idea, I'll let him know. Until that time, however, if I hear about this from anyone but you and Lily there will be trouble." He flicked the hair out of his eyes, directing his silver stare at his friend.

"You have nothing to fear" James told him quietly. "You know, no matter what, I'm always going to be here for you Sirius."

The black-haired boy grinned. "Thanks, mate."

Following the team talk, the boys joined their fellow players out on the pitch. There were a few Gryffindor supporters dotted around in the stands. Sirius saw with a rush of happiness that Remus sat in his usual place, looking resigned as Peter chattered away to him about something. He raised a hand in greeting as Sirius caught his eye.

Sirius grinned, turning to face the team captain, who was shouting for him to pay attention. Grabbing his beater's bat, Sirius mounted his broom and flew into the air.

"Not a bad practice, guys" Remus told them as they walked out of the changing rooms after they had showered and changed. "Do you think you have a chance of the cup this year?"

"When we have James Potter, one of the most irritatingly brilliant players in the world, on our side?" Sirius said grinning. "Of course we're going to win. Besides, I think Wood'll have our skins if we don't get there this time." Duncan Wood was their team captain that year, a passionately Quidditch-crazy seventh-year. The Scots boy was determined to retrieve the title lost two years ago to Slytherin House. "Seriously, though, I think we have a real chance this year; we've been training really hard." James cut in.

Sirius gingerly traced the outline of what felt like a bludger-sized bruise developing.

"What is it?" Remus asked softly, noticing the slight movement of Sirius' fingers.

"I miss-hit a bludger; well not so much miss-hit as missed completely. I think it may have re-arranged some internal organs" Sirius said, grinning weakly. "The pain went away, but it feels like it's going to return with a vengeance." As he said this, a pain shot through his body that caused him actually to double up, grimacing as he struggled to control it.

Remus stopped next to him, his eyes filled with concern. "Sirius, you really should get that looked at. I'm taking you to the hospital wing, and I don't want to hear a word to the contrary" he warned, looking sternly at the black-haired boy.

"I think it might be best" Sirius agreed, his breath catching as a hiss as the pain shot through him again.

Peter and James had stopped walking a little way on and had turned to watch the others.

"I'm taking Sirius to the hospital" Remus called over to them. "Bludger-induced bruising" he explained hastily. 

"Need any help?" James asked, starting to walk towards them.

Remus shook his head. "No, we'll be ok. See you back in the tower in a bit." 

James nodded, went back to Peter, and the two went on their way.

The sandy-haired boy returned swiftly to his friend, who was becoming increasingly pale. "Come on, Siri" he said lightly, putting an arm around him to keep him upright as they walked.

As they entered the wing that Remus spent much of his time in, the matron looked up from her paperwork. She got quickly to her feet when she saw who it was. "Remus, are you well?" she asked sharply.

"I'm fine. Sirius took a bludger to the chest during Quidditch practice. He was fine, but now is getting stabbing pains which are really hurting him" Remus explained as he and the matron moved Sirius over to a bed and gently sat him down.

"Mr. Black, we need to remove your shirt in order to assess the damage that sport has caused you this time" the matron said briskly.

Sirius nodded forlornly, wincing as he struggled with the buttons. He pulled the shirt off his shoulders, leaving his arms covered. He looked at Remus, who had remembered their previous time in the hospital wing and had removed the charm Sirius used to conceal his scars.

The bruise had spread a far way across Sirius' pale skin. The area of impact had turned a dark purple, with various other colours discernable on the edge of the bruising. The matron worked quickly, firing a diagnostic charm at the area. 

"Nothing is broken, you'll be pleased to hear" she said finally, looking up at two pairs of relieved eyes. "It's going to hurt for a while, Mr. Black, as there has been some internal bleeding, and all your insides need some time to heal from being jarred in such a manner. Drink this to help with the pain" she said, handing him a glass vial of grey-ish liquid.

Sirius looked at Remus doubtfully.

"It's a pain-relief potion, Siri, that's all. It's quite a good one too; it works very well on internal bruising" Remus told him gently. "It doesn't taste as bad as it looks; you know you can trust me on that."

Sirius threw him a pained grin. "At least I know you're an expert, Moony" he said quietly. The boy took the vial at downed the contents in one gulp, grimacing at the taste. "Maybe not as bad as it looks, but it doesn't taste much better than it looks either" he said flatly. "That was horrible."

Remus laughed at the face he made. "Shush, Siri. It was for your own good. If you will play that nasty, dangerous game you must expect to be hurt occasionally." He looked up at the matron. "Do you want to keep him or are you going to foist him upon me again?"

The young matron smiled at Sirius' outraged look. "I think you better take him with you, Remus." She handed the sandy-haired boy a vial containing the same pain-relief potion. "If it starts to hurt again, give him this. If the pain is no better by tomorrow, bring him back and we'll see what needs to be done."

"Why does she tell you and not me?" Sirius grumbled, as they began the slow walk back to the tower. "I'm not a child; she could tell me how to deal with my own injury."

"Ahh, but she knows better" Remus told him, grinning at the pout on Sirius' face. "One warning about this potion though, it makes you really drowsy after a while, and you might find yourself having mild hallucinations or becoming a little delirious."

Sirius rounded on him angrily. "Now you tell me? You force me to drink the stuff, knowing I'll trust your word, and then you tell me the side effects? You're impossible, you really are."

"Now Sirius, you know you would never have drunk it if I had told you that first, and it really does work" Remus told him reasonably. Sirius huffed at him, turning away. Remus' face fell. "I'm sorry, Sirius" he said quietly. "I was just trying to make you better; I didn't want to upset you."

Sirius turned back and saw his friend's contrite expression. He relented, putting an arm around the other boy's shoulders. "It's ok Moony" he told him, smiling a little. "You know I can never stay angry at you, and I know you were only trying to help." The black haired boy suddenly staggered slightly. "It really does make you drowsy, doesn't it" he said, slurring slightly.

Remus, recognising the onset of the drugs, slipped an arm around his friend's waist to steady him. Fortunately they had reached the portrait-hole and Remus was sufficiently strong to guide the black-haired boy through the common-room and up the stairs.

As Sirius had done for him so many times throughout their spell at Hogwarts, he helped his friend get ready for bed, and tucked him up in his covers. Turning to leave, Remus stopped as he felt gentle fingers tug at his hand. He looked back to see Sirius smiling gently at him.

"Thank you Moony" he said, still slurring slightly.

Remus took a step back to the bed, brushing Sirius' long hair back out of his eyes. "Sleep well, Siri. Sweet dreams" he whispered softly, bending to kiss Sirius on the forehead, just as his friend did for him when he was ill. Still smiling, holding Remus' hand in his, Sirius drifted off to sleep.

Remus stood for a few moments, letting Sirius keep hold of his hand, seeming to be deep in thought. After a while he shook his head, snapping himself out of his trance-like state. Gently removing his hand from Sirius', he turned and left, softly closing the door behind him. 

"Lily?" The girl turned to look into a pair of anxious-looking amber eyes. She closed the book she was reading, and motioned for the boy in front of her to join her at the window seat she was perched on.

Remus sat beside his friend, scanning the area around them and relaxing back against the wall as he had ascertained that they were alone.

"What is it?" Lily asked gently.

The boy sighed. "I can trust you, can't I Lily?" he asked softly, pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried to marshal his thoughts.

Lily stroked his arm softly. "You know you can. What's the matter?" 

Remus looked at her, almost smiling. He sighed. "It's Sirius" he told her. "He told me he'd been speaking to you, and you helped him reached some decisions about his life." He looked at her to confirm his words.

"I spoke to him yesterday. He seemed really confused about things" Lily said, not wanting to say too much until she knew what Sirius had told Remus.

"He told me he was gay, Lil. Is it true?"

"The way I saw it, I think he's bi. He has dated girls, I think everyone in the school could relate some of the stories; you know the reputation he's managed already. But I think he's fallen for a guy."

"Am I going to lose him?" Remus asked, his soft voice cracking slightly.

"Remus" Lily said quietly, drawing the slender boy into her arms. "No matter what, Sirius would never desert you. You know how protective he is of you; I don't think you'll ever be rid of him, even if you wanted to be." She sat back slightly. "I think you should talk to him about it. Despite all the childish pranks he plays, he knows how to be mature occasionally."

This made Remus smile. "I know he does; sometimes. Thanks, Lil. It's nice to talk to someone normal every once in a while."

Lily grinned up at him as he stood up to leave. "Any time, Remus. I'm glad to be of some help. If you could keep Potter out of my way for the evening, I'll consider us even."

Remus laughed. "I'll try, but I think that's something even Dumbledore would struggle with." He left her, feeling unaccountably cheerful from her assurance that Sirius would still be around to pester him.

As the portrait swung back to allow Remus access to the common room, a worried expression met his eyes. The smile fell from his face. "James, what is it?" he asked quickly.

"It's Sirius; he's …" Remus didn't wait to hear the rest, but ran through the common room to the dormitory beyond. Sirius was being held in his bed by Peter and two other boys from the year above. He was fighting to be free; eyes wild; gabbling words no-one could understand. Remus was beside him in two quick strides. He pushed the others aside so he could see Sirius' face closer. "It's a reaction to the pain-relief potion" he called to James with a shaking voice. "I think we'll need Dumbledore, and matron. I can hold him, but be quick" he added. Remus was dimly aware of James calling to Peter and the two older boys shrinking back as he took hold of Sirius and pinned him firmly back onto his bed, using all of his considerable strength to keep him there.

"Sirius? It's me, Remus. James and Peter have gone for help. You'll be ok" he told his friend firmly, keeping his voice steady and soothing. He kept talking, in a low reassuring voice to try to calm the black-haired boy. Eventually it seemed as if the gentle tones registered slightly, as the feverish silver gaze settled on the werewolf's face. "They'll be here soon, Sirius" the sandy-haired boy said quietly. "I think you've had a reaction against the potion you took at the hospital. Dumbledore will make it go away, I promise." Remus relaxed his grip on the stiller boy in his arms. This proved to be a mistake, as the black-haired boy began to struggle again. Remus clung on to his friend as hard as he could, repelling Sirius' attempts to fight free from his grasp. He had almost succeeded in calming the boy again when footsteps were heard on the stairs. The door burst open as Dumbledore hurried into the dormitory. With one quick flick of the wand, the professor held Sirius in a binding charm. Ignoring Remus' gasp of horror, the headmaster laid the black-haired boy back into bed, then allowed the matron to hurry forward to assess the situation. Remus drew away from the scene until his back hit the wall. Feeling his legs start to give way, he sank to the floor, his eyes not leaving his stricken friend even though the tears welled up, almost blinding him. The matron worked quickly, giving the headmaster rapid instruction on spells to try in order to reverse the effect of the allergic reaction.

The werewolf lost all track of time as he sat, watching the two adults at work. Peter and James had not come back into the room since they left to find help, and the two elder Gryffindors had left the dormitory as the professor arrived, happy to escape the scene. So Remus sat there alone, watching as his friend struggled to cope with the potion that Remus himself had told him to drink, telling him it would be safe to do so. Remus realised that this was his fault. He had forced Sirius to go to the hospital wing, and then made him drink the fateful potion. He knew he would never forgive himself for this, no matter the outcome.

It was some time before the sandy-haired boy noticed the change of atmosphere in the room. The tense, almost frenzied actions had slowed to a calmer level. Looks of concentration and worry had relaxed and were more serene. Hearing someone speak, Remus looked up into the kind, sparkling eyes of the headmaster. "Mr Lupin; the allergy suffered by Sirius has been neutralised. He is resting now. Tomorrow he will wake refreshed; there is no longer a need to worry. In order to allow your friend the rest he needs, I will arrange alternative accommodation for your companions. Would you like to go with them or can you be trusted to let Sirius have this healing sleep?"

"Please don't ask me to leave him, professor" Remus said, a slight tremor in his voice as he held back more tears.

Dumbledore looked at him for a moment before taking a step back. "Very well" he said simply. "I trust you are capable of taking care of Mr Black, should the need arise. I will return in the morning to check there are no lasting effects before breakfast begins. Goodnight, Mr. Lupin."

"Goodnight headmaster" Remus replied mechanically, mind already elsewhere.

As soon as the door closed behind the professor, Remus rose shakily to his feet. He made his way slowly over to Sirius' bed and looked down at him. The boy's black hair contrasted sharply with his skin, which was even paler than usual. Sirius' face was relaxed as he slept, with no other visible clue of the ordeal he had just been through. Remus drew a chair up to the side of the bed. He had no wish to sleep that night. The vision of Sirius' pain-filled eyes had burnt into his memory, and Remus could see them every time he closed his own. He picked up a large book off the floor and opened it at random, laying the tome on the bed as it was too heavy to hold. So prepared, he began a long night of vigil.

When Sirius awoke the following morning, he was aware of a presence beside him. As he turned to look, all of his joints protested. Vague memories of the previous day filtered back to him as he had an image of the onset of the allergic reaction. Finally managing to turn over he saw a figure slumped forward from the chair next to him onto the side of his bed. Sandy hair partially obscured a large text book. With a soft smile, Sirius realised that Remus must have fallen asleep at his bed-side the previous evening. He drew back as the werewolf stirred; woken by the movement of the bed he was leaning on. An embarrassed grin flicked across the boy's face as a pair of silver eyes met his own.

"Sirius, you're awake" he said as he stretched out in the chair he sat in, wincing at the stiffness he felt in his muscles.

"So it would seem" an amused voice replied. Flicking black hair out of his eyes, the boy leaned forward slightly. "What happened to me yesterday, Re?" he asked curiously. "I've got some disjointed images floating round, but I've got no real memory of anything."

Remus shifted uneasily. "You remember me taking you to the hospital?" he asked.

Sirius nodded. "I remember we were walking back to the common room, and then it all fades out."

"You drank a pain-killing potion in the hospital wing. It is meant to make you drowsy, which it did. I put you to bed, and you seemed to be fine. I spent some time with Lily, and when I came back, James told me something was wrong. You were having an allergic reaction to the potion I made you take. James and Pete went to fetch Dumbledore and matron and I had to hold you down as you were fighting everyone to get away. Anyway, they found an antidote eventually and they left me to make sure you were better. James and Pete spent the night somewhere else."

Sirius watched his friend carefully as he told the story, noticing quickly that Remus was blaming himself for the whole chain of events. "Re, you think this is your fault, don't you?" he asked sounding almost amused. "It really isn't you know. How could you know I would be allergic to a pain relief potion? _I_ didn't know I had any allergies until just now. Stop suffering from guilt right now or I'll tell the professors who really pulled that prank on Snape last week." He grinned, remembering the beautiful moment as Snape rose out of the lake, soaked to the bone. Flicking his hair back from his face he met a pair of worried amber eyes. "You know I won't really, Re" he reassured his friend. "Really though, there is absolutely no way at all this is something you should feel guilty about, I promise." Hesitantly, he reached out to squeeze his friend's shoulder slightly. "Are you going to believe me or not?" he asked, exasperated amusement creeping into his voice as Remus stubbornly refused to meet his eyes. Sirius moved his outstretched hand to Remus' chin, where two fingers lifted the boy's head up so their eyes were forced to meet.

Remus searched Sirius silver eyes for anything he could be hiding. Finding nothing to make him think there was a lie hidden beneath the kind words, he visibly relaxed. "I'm sorry, Siri" he mumbled.

"Are you apologising for feeling guilty now?" Sirius asked, eyes sparkling with amusement. He shook his head. "You are actually impossible, Moony, you know that?" The warmth in the black-haired boy's voice caused the slightest of puzzled frowns to cross Remus' face. Before another word could be exchanged, a knock sounded at the door. Remus shrank back into his chair as the door opened and Dumbledore entered the room.

"Awake, Mr. Black?" the professor said, smiling one of his rare smiles as he made his way over to the bed.

"Yes, Sir, and yes I feel fine" Sirius replied, smiling openly up at the headmaster. "Thank you for whatever you did yesterday. Re said you and matron were here for ages."

"I'm glad to see you appear to have made a full recovery. I trust you had no trouble with him throughout the night, Mr. Lupin."

"No, Sir. He had a slight fever, just as you said he might, but that broke in the early morning, and was peaceful for the remainder of the night."

Dumbledore nodded. "Good. Very good; Mr. Lupin. You are both excused from lessons today; I will inform your professors. I advise both of you to rest today; I do not expect to hear that either of you have been seen near the Slytherin common room." On that stern note, with a twinkle still in his eyes, the headmaster turned, leaving the two in peace.

"He always knows, doesn't he?" Sirius said, looking with awe at the door the headmaster had just disappeared through.

"I think it would be mistake to assume that he wouldn't find out" Remus replied, smiling softly. "You know, however, that if you attempted a stunt that would go too far, something would happen to prevent you. I suppose that's a sort of comfort."

"A whole day off, when everyone else has to work" Sirius mused out loud, changing the subject abruptly. "I wonder if Dumbledore knew that he'd fill me with the need to prank Slytherins by expressly forbidding the act? We need to find something to do, Moony. I need to take my mind off pranking Slytherins. Damn you, Dumbledore" he grumbled loudly. "Why did you have to put the idea in my mind?"

"Now I don't think he put the idea in your mind" Remus said reasonably. "You know as well as I do that to you a day off means a day of pranking. Why don't we do something else?"

"Like what?" Sirius responded, eager as always for a new idea.

"I think exploring outside the castle may be a good plan. If we go exploring inside, people will discover us and think that we are well enough to be in lessons."

Sirius brightened up. "Sounds like a good idea, Moony. I'd like to try to find secret ways into the castle grounds. I know there has to be some. We already know that there is one; the one you use to the shack. There has to be more. We'll need to borrow James' cloak, and make a trip to the kitchens on the way for sustenance. Can we go now?" Pleading silver eyes met an amused amber pair.

"Of course we can, Siri. I think it would do us both good to spend a day outside, away from work and nastily bruising Quidditch. At least we'll both have to take it easy; for once we'll be able to do things at the pace of a normal person." He grinned and easily ducked Sirius' half-hearted swipe at his head.

"I'm just going to take a quick shower, Siri. Sleeping in a chair is not good for you" he added as he got to his feet and stretched, feeling various joints creak and pop. With a smile at his friend, Remus wandered into the bathroom.

Sirius dressed swiftly, smiling as he thought of the day ahead, to be spent with just Remus. He almost managed to block out the thought of Remus in the shower, and quickly took his turn in the bathroom. Finally satisfied that his black hair looked as good as it was likely to, he stepped back out into the dormitory. Remus was sitting on the end of his bed, waiting for him. "Groomed to perfection?" the sandy-haired boy enquired, raising an eyebrow at his friend.

"Can't you see that for yourself, Moony?" Sirius replied, gesturing at himself with a flourish. "You know that this is as close to perfection as Hogwarts is ever likely to see." He grinned as Remus rolled his eyes. "I see you are feeling better, Moony" he told his friend. "You only ever treat me to that look when you have recovered from your well-meant but highly unnecessary guilt trips."

"If you are going to be bouncy and obnoxious all day, Sirius, I'm going on my own" Remus told him sternly, knowing his words would have no effect.

Sirius gasped dramatically, clutching his chest at heart-level. "You have wounded me, Moony, so deeply. I might have to sulk up here all day." He grinned then, and started to bounce up and down on the spot. "Can we go please?" he asked, eyes shining.

Remus sighed, getting to his feet. "Come on then" he said, ruffling Sirius' hair as he passed him, grinning at the outraged cry of his friend. 

With James' cloak stuffed into Remus' pocket, the two snuck down to the kitchens. They were greeted merrily by the house-elves, who plied them with far more food than they really needed. Remus transfigured a plate into a back-pack and, with all the food and drink safely stowed away, they slipped out of the castle by the door leading to Hagrid's house. They paused by the big standing stones at the top of the hill, looking down over some of the castle grounds.

"Where shall we start, then?" Remus asked his friend, who was still bouncing in excitement. 

"That way" Sirius said, pointing to a section of forest between them and the lake. They set off down the hill at a fairly slow pace, as both of them were finding it more effort than they had thought. They spent the morning wandering round through the edges of the forbidden forest and down by the black lake. At about midday, they stopped by the water's edge. Sitting on the ground, their cloaks as a blanket, they raided the back-pack for some food.

"You know, Sirius, there must be a way to record all these strange things we're finding" Remus said, frowning. They had discovered two passages, one leading into a greenhouse used for herbology lessons and the other leading into a courtyard near the main front doors of the castle.

"Like making a map of the castle grounds?" Sirius suggested, picking up a pumpkin pasty and leaning back against a tree trunk.

"We could make one of the castle as well" Remus told him. "We could include secret passages and things."

"Moony, that would be impossible, surely. You know how big the castle is. There are so many little corridors and things, before you even start to think of the moving staircases and rooms we can't get into. I don't even know where the Hufflepuff common-room is, do you?"

"Yes, actually" Remus said, surprising the black haired boy. "Remember Rowan Wakeman?"

Sirius nodded, remembering Remus' potions partner in third year. Rowan and Remus had been a couple very briefly. Sirius remembered how he had rarely seen Remus because of it. "Of course, she was a hufflepuff. Fraternising with the enemy, you should be ashamed of yourself" he said grinning.

Remus merely raised an eyebrow at him. "I won't even begin to list yours" he remarked blandly. "Seriously, though, I think we could do it. You could even make it into a pranking aid."

"How would a map help us?" Sirius asked, puzzled.

Remus grinned at him. "There is a way, I think, of recording the people present on a map, as well as places."

"So you're saying we could have a map of where everyone is in the castle or the grounds?" Sirius asked in wonder, grinning widely as Remus nodded. "Can you imagine what we could do with that? Could we really do it, Moony, or is this something we don't know enough to be able to achieve?"

"I think between all of us, we would be able to find a way. I'd have to research the concept more thoroughly before I could promise anything, but if it will help you and James in your prank wars, I foresee a most detailed cartographic creation."

"Was that a yes? You're using big words at me again, Moony. You know I have a small brain, so only small words will fit inside it" Sirius told him seriously, eyes sparkling as he thought about the possibilities this map would open up. 

Remus looked at him, a gentle smile on his face. "You know that was a yes, Siri. I'm sure that massive brain of yours will have no trouble with this." He looked over at his friend, who was watching him, his silver eyes shining brightly. With a rueful grin, Remus sighed loudly. "Did you want to make a start on it now?" he asked, laughing out loud as Sirius' grin widened. "Fine; we'll need to go to the library." 

Sirius quickly stuffed their remaining lunch into the bag and picked up their cloaks, pushing Remus out of the way in order to be able to do so.

The sandy-haired boy growled good-naturedly at his friend. "Must you be quite so impulsive, Sirius?" he asked the taller boy as they made their way back to the castle. "Why must a day with you always involve this many ideas and adventures?"

Sirius turned his silver stare on the boy by his side before shrugging. "I just don't want to waste what time we have left" he told his friend simply. "I think we'll get more done if we start before we have to explain it all over again to James and Peter."

Remus agreed that this made good sense, and they completed the last part of the journey in silence. The smaller boy led the way into the library, to a far, deserted corner he often used to study in. "Sirius, do you think you could find me a book by professor Hants? It's called _'Advanced Cartography'. _Or something very much like that anyway. It should be down there" he said, pointing down an aisle.

Sirius nodded, wondering about his friend's unusual assertiveness as he browsed the dusty shelves of old leather-bound books. Eventually he tracked down the volume Remus had requested. Pulling the heavy book down off the shelves, he returned quickly to the desk the werewolf was already sitting at, eyes moving quickly as he scanned the text of a book laid out in front of him. Amber eyes flicked up as he sensed Sirius approach. "Thank you" he said quietly, flashing a gentle smile at the raven-haired boy.

"What do I need to look for, Re?" Sirius asked, his eyes soft as he watched his Moony in his favourite environment. 

"You'll need to find a charm, it's in there somewhere, but I can't remember exactly what it's called. It will be a way to record people onto a map, so that you can see who is in the castle and where."

"Right" Sirius nodded. Pulling a chair up to the table, he flicked his black hair away from his eyes and settled down to read.

Remus found his eyes wandering over to the boy beside him as they studied. Watching him over his reading glasses, he couldn't help but smile as he watched him frowning over the tome. Concentrating hard, Sirius' silver gaze swept the lines of text quickly, eager to discover what Remus had asked him to find. Shaking his head, the smaller boy pushed the glasses back up his nose, and re-started his research. He was startled back into the real world as he felt a soft hand grasp his arm. Looking up quickly, he saw his friend grinning over at him. "I found it!" Sirius cried joyously.

Remus felt himself smile back. "Brilliant, Siri. Let's see" he shuffled his chair closer as Sirius angled the book so they could both see it. Reading quickly, the smaller boy took in the explanation. After a while, he looked up, sitting back in his chair. "Well, that bit is slightly more straightforward than I thought it might be. The only problem will be getting our map exact enough for that to work. This might help though" he continued, showing Sirius the text he had been studying. As the raven-haired boy shot him a quizzical look, Remus began to explain his discoveries. "This is basically a way of ensuring our map is as exact as possible. I can't think of a way for the map to draw itself, so we will still have to do a lot of work. I think we have to draw the whole map, as exactly as we can. Then we work in the charm I've found here, which will neaten up the edges. After that, we add the charm from your book, which will also write itself round all the lines we've drawn, and will display all the people within them."

"So is this the point where we get James and Pete involved?" Sirius asked. "It will be much quicker to map out the castle with four of us working on it."

"Siri, do you mind if we start tomorrow?" Remus' voice sounded suddenly tired.

The taller boy looked quickly at his friend, concern showing in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Moony. I forgot we were supposed to be convalescing. You know what I'm like when I get a new idea" he added, grinning at his friend.

A warm, if tired smile met the boy's eyes. "I wouldn't have it any other way" Remus said softly, rubbing his eyes as he put his glasses away. "Let's take these two books out; it will make it easier to explain to the others" he said as he got, slightly unsteadily to his feet. 

Sirius nodded, following Remus to the doors, watching in concern as the smaller boy's steps faltered very slightly. Ignoring his protests, Sirius took the heavy books from Remus, placing them in the back-pack, which he slung over his shoulders. By the time they reached the common-room, Remus was leaning on his friend heavily. Worried, Sirius walked his friend through the common-room, ignoring their two friends, who had returned from lessons, and went straight upstairs into the dormitory. Helping him onto his bed, Sirius dropped the backpack on the floor and sat wearily beside his friend.

"Remus, you ok?" he asked cautiously, watching his friend closely as he struggled to focus on anything. Putting a gentle hand either side of the boy's face, he spoke to his friend as calmly as he could. "Re? I'm here, can you feel me?" he said. "Just look this way. You'll be ok, we just tried to do too much today. You've been reading too much, you're all worn out. Can you see me, Re?"

The sandy-haired boy put a hand up, feeling Sirius' hand. Tracing down his arm, he reached his friend's shoulder, and then touched his face, feeling the straight nose, the high cheekbones and the soft black hair which had fallen into Sirius' face. Remus smiled softly. "Don't worry, Siri" he said quietly. "This has happened before, after a change. I'll be fine in the morning. I know you'll make sure of that" he added, so softly that Sirius, close as he was, could barely hear him.

"You're sure this has happened before?" Sirius asked quickly. "Do I need to find matron for you?"

Remus' slim hand tightened on his friend's arm. "Don't leave me, Siri. I need to know I'm not on my own, not when it's so dark."

Sirius, before he could stop himself, drew the smaller boy into his arms. "It's ok, Re" he said reassuringly, as he felt the boy stiffen. "I'm not going to leave you by yourself."

"You promise?" Remus asked in a small voice, clutching hold of Sirius' shirt.

"I promise" Sirius said firmly. "I could never leave you all alone" he added, biting his lip to stop himself saying anymore, terrified he would give himself away.

Remus seemed to accept this, relaxing into the boy's arms, his breathing evening out.

It took Sirius several moments to realise that Remus had fallen asleep. The raven-haired boy tried to move, not wanting their friends to walk in and see them, causing Remus embarrassment when he awoke. His attempt was futile, as Remus simply tightened his hold on the boy's shirt, making it impossible for him to move. Sighing, he tried to move enough to try to pull the curtain, to provide them with some protection from prying eyes. This was again thwarted by Remus who awoke, still unseeing. "Siri?" a voice whispered shakily.

"Ssh, it's ok, I'm here" Sirius reassured the smaller boy. He gave up on his attempts and wrapped his arms firmly about him again. "Just go to sleep, my little Moony; it will be better soon" he told him softly. He watched, a gentle smile flickered about his lips as Remus relaxed against him, falling asleep again.

After a short while, the door opened and James tip-toed in. Spotting the two lying on Remus' bed, his eyes widened and he turned to leave.

Sirius spotted him, and waved him over.

Shaking his head, James nevertheless crossed the room quietly and crouched down beside Sirius. "Is everything ok?" James asked quietly.

The raven-haired boy shrugged as much as his position would allow. "Remus has suffered a bit of a relapse. He's had a bit of a scare, and he won't let me go. Could you do me a favour? If he wakes up to find people staring, I don't know what he'll do. Could you pull the curtains, and not tell Pete about this?"

James grinned. "Of course I can, and I won't tell him" he promised. "Do you want a blanket too?"

"Yes please" Sirius said meekly, smiling at his good friend. He snuggled gratefully into the blanket James threw over them and sighed in relief as the curtains drew closed round the bed. Finally able to relax, Sirius felt his eyes closing as he drifted off to sleep.

Early the following morning, Sirius was roused from sleep by an alien feeling. He realised that the strange sensation was caused by his arms being wrapped around another person. Unable to help smiling as he saw Remus nestled in his embrace, he recalled the events leading up to this occurring. Before Sirius would have liked, the smaller boy stirred, turning over as he awoke. Sleepy amber eyes widened in shock as the boy took in his surroundings.

Sirius threw him a lazy half-smile. "I take it those eyes of yours are working again then" he commented, in a voice that sounded far more calm than he felt.

Remus frowned as he tried to remember what had happened. Obviously recalling his weakness the previous night, the smaller boy blushed deeply, but instead of pulling away, he buried his burning face into his friend's shoulder. "I'm sorry" he mumbled quietly.

"Don't be" Sirius told him softly. "There is no way I would have wanted you to go through that on your own. It reminded you of something, didn't it? When you couldn't see, I mean."

Remus nodded. "Last night, I was back in the cage in my parent's basement. I could never see when I woke up after a change. Not being able to hear or see anything at all was so terrible. It was better this time. I could hear you, and I could feel that you were close by. It was good to know I wasn't alone" he confessed, still not looking at Sirius as he spoke. The amber eyed boy started as Sirius smoothed his sandy hair back from his face. The taller boy showed no sign of discomfort and Remus relaxed into his friend's touch. "Did anyone see this?" he asked after a moment, gesturing vaguely at their position.

"Only James" Sirius told him. "I told him you'd had a relapse, and he drew the curtains so no-one else would see. He promised not to say anything, so you know he won't. He can be annoying, but you know as well as I do that he'd never break a promise like that."

A look of panic had flashed across Remus' face, but the boy relaxed again at Sirius' reassurance. He knew that James could be trusted about something this important. He closed his eyes, drawing comfort from the strength of his friend. After a moment, he frowned as if concentrating. Lying as he was, he could hear his friend's heartbeat. He was surprised by the speed it was beating; much too fast considering Sirius had been lying still for hours. "You feeling ok, Siri?" he asked cautiously.

"Never better, Re. Why?"

"No reason" Remus said, a little too quickly.

Sirius shot him a quick look. "Now that I don't believe. What is it?"

"Your heart; it's beating much too fast" Remus told him, still not opening his eyes.

Sirius sighed, mind racing as he attempted to come up with a satisfactory excuse. "I don't have much control over it, Re" he said quietly. 

Remus leant away from his friend, so he could watch the expression on his face. "Sirius?" he said, his soft voice full of concern.

The black-haired boy opened his eyes, and managed a weak smile. "Don't make me tell you yet, Remus" he begged, his silver eyes met confused amber. 

The werewolf lay back down again, submitting to his friend's will. He wondered at the very rare use of his full name; Sirius almost always called him by a nick-name. Putting the worry out of his mind, he resolved to discover what was troubling his friend later.

"We probably should get up" Sirius said eventually. "We'll miss breakfast at this rate, and I know we missed dinner last night. We've got to go back to lessons today; I'm not having you sitting through Potions on an empty stomach." He seemed to have relaxed after Remus had not pushed him for answers. "Will you be ok to go to school today?" he asked, smiling warmly at his friend, who scowled up at him.

"I think I'll manage" Remus told him, his twinkling amber eyes belying his stern words.

Sirius grinned and stretched, massaging the arm that Remus had been leaning on all night. "Merlin Re, your head really is heavy; must be all those books you live on." He easily dodged Remus' quick swipe at his head.

"Get up, you irritating thing" Remus said "or I may have to eat you."

"You would never eat anything as pretty as me, and you know it" the black-haired boy told his friend seriously, laughing out loud as Remus pushed him off the bed.

They met James and Peter in the common room, where they were sitting with Lily and some of her friends. Lily was the first to notice them. She gave them both a warm smile, which drew Sirius to her side. He, much to James' horror, swept her into a big hug. Lily, giggling, hugged him back. The two led the way down to breakfast.

"So I presume the Evans-Black war is finally a thing of the past?" Remus asked James, who he ended up walking with.

The bespectacled boy looked at Remus, the glare still on his face, which relaxed as he saw the werewolf's amused smile and raised eyebrow.

"He really is something else" James said, struggling to keep the anger out of his voice.

"You did bring it on yourself" Remus told him mildly. "If you hadn't asked him about his sexual orientation, he would have never talked to Lily as a civilised person." 

James opened his mouth to protest, then closed it abruptly, realising that Remus was right. "He's spoken to you, then" he said eventually.

The sandy-haired boy nodded. "He did a couple of days ago. I think he's terrified that we're all going to disown him."

"I've already told him that I'll stick by him, no matter what" James said, pushing his glasses back up his nose as he watched his good friend teasing the girl he himself wanted so badly.

Remus smiled warmly. "That's good" he said, almost to himself. "I think he's one of the only people in school with as many insecurities as me."  
James turned to look at him then. "You do know that I'm always here for you as well, don't you Moony?" he asked quietly, watching with a smile as Remus started at the use of the name only normally used by Sirius.

"Thank you, James" Remus said softly. "That was a very deep and meaningful conversation to have before breakfast" he told his friend, grinning suddenly. "I really think you should go and rescue your intended, however" he added nodding his head towards Lily, who was looking slightly scared by the bouncy, over animated boy at her side.

In seconds, James was by her side, prying the silver-eyed boy away from the over-whelmed girl.

Sirius, noticing in the end that he was no longer wanted, looked round for Remus, quickly spotting him towards the back of the small crowd. Waiting for him to catch up, he greeted him with a bright smile.

"What have you been doing, Sirius?" Remus asked sternly, recognising the mischievous expression on the taller boy's face.

"I've only been irritating Lily" Sirius told him, smiling. "You know how easy she is to play jokes on. I can't help it" he added, hanging his head as if in shame, but Remus could see the wicked sparkle in his eyes.

"You are impossible" the sandy-haired boy told him severely. "One of these days, you will go too far, and James will hex you so badly you won't be able to walk for a week."

"I don't believe James could ever land a hex on me" Sirius told his friend. "You know I'm quicker than he is."

"Only most of the time" Remus said. "I don't think you'd stand a chance against Lily, however."

"Are you saying I could be beaten by a girl?" Sirius asked, genuinely shocked.

"Sirius" Remus said in a gentle voice. "_I_ helped to train Lily with some of her more dangerous hexes. I know she'd be more than capable of causing you some damage."

"You didn't!" Sirius cried, despairing. He looked almost upset. "Now that's not fair. I know you're quicker than me. I'm actually going to have to watch my back now. It takes all the fun out of it when you know you can be beaten."

"I'll teach you some too, if you're good" Remus said mildly, not being able to stop the smile as Sirius brightened instantly.

"I'll be ever so good, I promise" he said fervently. They reached the Gryffindor table, and sat down amongst their friends. 

The day passed quickly. Both Remus and Sirius had to concentrate harder than usual in lessons, as they had missed the day before. Professors were eyeing them curiously, unused to seeing them so quiet when they sat together. 

They met up with James and Peter after lessons and began the hike back to the common-room.

"Black!" A shout echoed down the hallway. They all turned to see their Quidditch captain bearing down on them. "How is the injury?" the seventh year asked quickly, his accent thicker than usual showing his concern.

Sirius smiled. "I'm fine, Wood. It doesn't hurt anymore at least."

The scots boy nodded. "Good; I'll see you at practice then." With that he turned, heading back the way he had come.

Remus rounded on his friend. "You can't go to practice tonight, Sirius. You had that reaction less than two days ago!"

James and Peter had walked on, but Sirius stopped to confront Remus. "You heard Dumbledore. He said I would be fine yesterday, so I'll be ok at practice. He would have said otherwise if it wasn't the case."

Remus sighed, holding up his hands. "I know that look. There's no point in continuing this" he made to walk on, but Sirius stopped him, pulling him out of the main corridor, into a handy classroom.

"What's your problem, Re?" he asked angrily. "Do you suddenly know better than Dumbledore? What have you got against me playing for the team suddenly?"

Remus shot his friend a confused look, unused to seeing this side of the boy he thought he knew so well. "I just think it will be a bit soon after a reaction that got Dumbledore and matron so confused. You didn't see how hard they worked, and for how long. I thought you were dying, Sirius, and you wonder why I don't want you to put yourself through it again just yet. That night was the only time I've ever seen Dumbledore really worried. I believed that I'd killed you, making you take that potion. Are you beginning to understand yet?"

Sirius took a step away from the smaller boy, whose normally quiet voice had risen in volume as he spoke. "I'm not stupid, Remus. I can understand that it wasn't nice to see. But it's not going to happen again. I know now that I'm allergic, so I won't take it again, ok?"

Remus leant against a desk, putting shaking hands either side of him as he tried to steady himself. "I don't think you can understand" he said, his quiet voice full of emotion. "or you don't want to. I thought I'd caused your illness, Sirius. You nearly didn't come back; I know that. I'm the only one that does, and you don't seem to care about that."

Sirius pushed his hair out of his eyes impatiently, looking over at the smaller boy. After a moment he closed the gap between them. "I'm so sorry, Re" he said sadly. "You do know that I don't want to hurt you, don't you?" He sat beside the still shaking boy for a minute, before enfolding him in his strong arms. Remus automatically stiffened, but relaxed eventually, as the taller boy showed no sign that he was about to let go. After a little while, the sandy-haired boy found that his arms had moved to encircle Sirius' waist. He blushed, but made no move to back away. Sirius dropped his head onto Remus' shoulder and he took a deep breath to calm himself. "Do you believe me when I say that I truly am better, though?" he asked the amber-eyed boy finally.

"Your heart's still not right" Remus remarked flatly.

"It's only like it round you" Sirius said unthinkingly; tensing with his eyes closed as he realised what he had just said.

Remus sat unmoving for so long that the black-haired boy sat up so that he could see what the boy was thinking. The werewolf sat still, looking at his friend with confused, clouded eyes. "Run that one past me again, would you Siri?" he said, blinking quickly.

Sirius sighed, realising that the moment had come, and there was no way he could back out now. "My heart" he said quietly. "It only behaves like that when you are near me. What do you think it means, Re?"

The sandy-haired boy pulled out of the embrace, looking at the other with wide, almost frightened eyes. "I … don't understand" he said eventually. "Sirius, are you really saying what I think you are?"

Looking over at the smaller boy through a curtain of black hair, a rueful smile formed on Sirius' face. "Sirius Black, womanizer of Hogwarts" he sighed. "I know, it doesn't add up, does it Re? I don't know what happened, Moony. I don't know when it started, but I do have feelings for you. I'm not looking for an answer yet; I didn't think I would ever tell you, to be honest. I should have realised there was no way I could have hidden something like this for long." A look of fear shot through his silver eyes as the smaller boy was still staring at him in shock. "Pretend this didn't happen" he begged his friend, when he could stand Remus' silence no longer. When he could bear the silence no longer he simply stood up and left the room, making his way outside. Blinking back the tears that had formed, he pushed through everyone he met, not acknowledging the occasional greeting. He reached the Quidditch pitch and entered the Gryffindor changing room. Opening his locker, he quickly put on his uniform and picked up his broom and beater's bat. Selecting a bludger from the box, he made his way out onto the pitch where he released the ball and flew up to begin some practice. He realised before too long that his concentration was not at a suitable level to be out with a bludger as he had narrowly escaped being hit several times. He flew back down to the store room, where he left the bat and ball before flying back out down the corridor to outside. Sirius was an instinctive flier; graceful and swift. His flying had a certain elegance that James, with all his natural ability, could never hope to achieve. 

Eventually, Sirius became aware of a presence. Scanning the ground and then the stands, he finally spotted James sitting on the grass, near the Gryffindor stands. After a moment's thought, Sirius flew down to his friend and dismounted. "What are you doing here?" he asked the boy, by way of greeting.

"When Remus found Lily and I, he was in a state" James remarked calmly. "They went off to talk. I happened to look out of the common-room window and saw a red cloak out here. It could only have been you. Have you told him?"

Sirius hesitated, unwilling at first to discuss those painful moments. After a moment he sighed, throwing himself down onto the grass beside his friend. "Yes, I told him" he said quietly. "I didn't mean to, but we were having an argument and it just slipped out. He asked me to repeat it, so I did, and then he just sat there without moving. After what seemed like hours of silence, I ran away down here. So much for Evans' theory that Remus was mature enough to be able to have a civilized conversation about this" he finished bitterly, staring up at this sky.

"I don't think she was expecting you to blurt it out when you were having a fight" James told him, looking with a sad smile at the boy lying in front of him. "She should have known better, however."

"I don't think he's ever going to speak to me again" Sirius said in a small voice.

"He'll just need a bit of time to think things through" James said. "You know that Remus isn't cruel. Even if he doesn't return your feelings, he'll be able to talk about this sensibly when he's calmed down. I imagine you just sprung this on him, didn't you?" he asked, smiling as Sirius nodded slightly. "It took you a while to get used to the idea, didn't it? I think Remus will need the same."

"What if he never speaks to me again?" Sirius asked in a small voice, looking at his friend with large, vulnerable eyes.

"I don't think it'll come to that" James said firmly. "Your friendship has lasted through so many things, and only got stronger. You need each other so much; he's not going to want to lose you."

"I hope you're right" Sirius told him. He sat up, looking over at his messy-haired friend. "Thanks for coming to find me, James. I do appreciate it, you know."

James grinned. "I expect you to do this for me, you know" he said, laughing as Sirius groaned. He got to his feet, picking up his broomstick and the quaffle he had taken from the stores. "Quick game before we head back in?" he suggested, drawing a reluctant smile from his silver-eyed friend.

"An act of charity, Potter? You know I'll beat you" Sirius teased, leaping on his broomstick and stealing the ball from James' outstretched hand. "You're going to have to be faster than that" he called back, as he flew up the pitch.

James rolled his eyes, and flew top-speed after his friend.

Remus, meanwhile, had walked with Lily to the long corridor-bridge that joined the two peaks of the Hogwarts' grounds together. Stopping in the middle of the bridge, the two stood side by side looking out towards the horizon. After a long while, the boy sighed, turning to face his friend. "Did you know about this, Lily?" he asked, finally speaking.

The red-haired girl smiled sympathetically. "Sirius spoke to me about his feelings a little while ago" she told him, in her soft voice. "But I made the mistake of assuming he'd broach the matter with a little more tact."

Remus grinned wearily at the girl at his side. "You thought that Sirius would be tactful? My dear girl, I thought that you were the intelligent one of our year-group" he said, starting to walk again.

Lily slid her small hand through Remus' arm and they walked together down to the lake, where they found a large flat-ish rock to sit down on.

"What am I going to do now, Lil?" Remus asked, raising worried tawny eyes to the girl's face. 

"You need to work out if you feel anything other than friendship for Sirius" the girl said logically. "Do you think you could describe him to me?" she asked after a moment.

Remus shot her a confused look, but Lily just looked straight back at him, not giving him any help. He sighed. "I'll try" he said; "physical characteristics or mental attributes?"

"Both" the girl replied firmly.

Remus turned away, staring out over the lake. "I'll start with physically" he said. "He's a little taller than me, with long black hair and dark eyes flecked with silver. His physique is toned and powerful, though slender; with strong arms and skillful hands. He's irritatingly aristocratic at times, which has led to a certain elegance of deportment that few of his age can match. Siri's the most loyal friend in the world; though a little quick to anger when leaping to people's defence. He is quite frighteningly intelligent, although he tries to hide the fact, and for the most part succeeds. He's looking always for acceptance, most probably due to his family. He showed great strength of character to become a Gryffindor. Did you know they actually burnt his name off the family tree?" he added, looking over at Lily. "I thought my parents could be cruel, but they never went as far as to publicly disown me. I find it incredible that the great and most noble house of Black managed to produce such a good person as Sirius. Sure, he never thinks before he opens his mouth, and he causes hurt by doing things without worrying about the consequences, but a werewolf can sense evil, and I've never felt that from him. In short, he's the most handsome, caring, attractive person of my acquaintance."

Lily was grinning fondly at the sandy-haired boy beside her. "But do you love him?" she asked gently.

Remus buried his head in his hands. "I really don't know" he confessed. "He confuses me so much. How can I find out? Whenever he comes near me I lose the ability to think coherently. And he's male, Lily. Some things, I'm sure, just aren't right. We're both social rejects now; can you think how much more difficult life would get?"

"As you say, you're both rejects now. The friends you have now obviously have been undeterred from that fact. It won't get any worse for you than it is now. Do you think you would be happy together?"

"I don't think I'd be happy if we were apart" Remus confessed. "I don't know where I'd be by now if it wasn't for Sirius looking after me."

"Right, so let me get this straight" Lily said. "You think he's the most attractive person you know, and the most caring, and you don't know what you'd do without him. The only thing you are worried about is being a social outcast which, no offence, you are now. Why exactly are you not dating?"

Remus grinned. "Stop making it sound so simple, Lil, please" he said. "I'm sure there will be so many things I haven't thought of; so many problems."

"Maybe you'd be able to face them together, rather then each of you fighting these battles alone" the red-head girl suggested gently.

Remus slipped his arms round the girl by his side, hugging her to him. "I don't think I'm strong enough for this" he whispered.

Lily kissed his cheek. "Re, you're the strongest person I know. Just do whatever feels right, stop trying to reason this out. Love is not a rational occurrence; if it was then I wouldn't have fallen for that blasted Potter" she told him, blushing as she realised that she had not confessed that to anyone before.

"Lily, I knew about that years ago" Remus told her, grinning. "The day after a full moon, I have far more finely tuned senses. I've known that since fourth year."

"You could have told me" Lily replied. "_I_ didn't know until this year. Don't tell him, though, will you?"

"Not if you're nice to me, I won't" Remus replied, laughing at Lily's expression.

"You have spent too much time with Sirius" she told him sternly. "I'm not at all sure you're a nice person anymore."

"Who, little me?" Remus responded, looking at Lily with large innocent eyes, before he broke into a wicked grin.

"At least I know you won't let him walk all over you" Lily said, rolling her eyes. "Now will you please go and find him so that the pair of you can stop driving me crazy."

Remus swept the girl up into one last hug. "Thanks, Lil. See you later" he said, dashing off in search of the boy he loved.

Remus spent a frustrating hour searching for Sirius all over the castle and grounds. "We really need to make that map" he grumbled to himself, as he strode through the corridors of the school, ignoring the puzzled glances which were being directed at him. "Now where would I go if I was Sirius upset?" he though to himself as he walked. He had tried the Owlery, the Astronomy Tower, Hagrid's hut, the common room and dormitory and various courtyards around the castle. Then he realised he had not tried the Quidditch pitch. He remembered that Sirius had gone down to fly before when he was frustrated by a problem. Making his way down to the pitch, he suddenly heard someone walking towards him up the path. Instinctively, he concealed himself in the bushes to his right. He had no wish to be distracted from his mission. He relaxed after a moment, recognizing the whistling of the person who was approaching; it was only James. Deciding to remain hidden, he waited for his friend to pass before continuing on his way, struggling to breathe as normal as he realized that he would most likely find Sirius here.

Entering the Quidditch stadium by a path leading to the pitch, he saw a graceful form almost hidden by a long scarlet cloak flash past him. His breath was quite taken away. Sirius was practicing a complex series of moves that Remus recognized from his reading as being a professional seeker attack move. He had never seen him fly like this before. In practice, he fulfilled his role just as he should, but never particularly shone. In matches he was powerful and dangerous, but his position as a beater did not require this level of acrobatic athleticism. Content to watch this unusual display, Remus settled against one of the stands, following the complicated movements with interest. He always knew that Sirius was good at Quidditch, but he had never seen quite how skilled his friend had become. He could fight his way into the professional league if he so chose.

Eventually, it seemed, Sirius sensed a foreign presence. He flew low to the ground as he once again searched the area for the possible threat. He didn't spot Remus until he had almost flown over him. The black-haired boy pulled up short and leapt off his broomstick.

Shaking his long hair out of his silver eyes he walked slowly over to the sandy-haired boy, his expression wary. "Did you come to see me?" he asked, fighting to keep his voice light; casual.

Remus nodded. "Can we talk, Siri?" he asked, grimacing as he realized how weak his voice sounded. He took a deep breath to calm himself as Sirius made his way over to him, and sat down facing him. "That was some impressive flying, by the way" he told his friend, smiling at the pride that flashed through the other boy's eyes.

"I'm going to shock Wood with it at practice tonight" Sirius confessed. "I'm hoping to win some approval after missing practice through injury."

"He's more likely to be mad that you haven't shown him before" Remus told him. "Siri, I've had time to think about what you said earlier" he blurted out, unable to keep from the subject any longer.

Sirius expression was suddenly guarded. "Have you decided anything?" he asked softly, looking up at the boy in front of him with large, frightened eyes.

Remus suddenly found a reserve of courage from somewhere. He reached out, taking one of Sirius' hands between both of his own. "Sirius, how could I not fall for you?" he said with a slight smile. "When you spoke to me earlier, I was shocked. I'd never really thought about what we had between us. We've been so close for years; I thought that would be all that would ever be there. But that's just not true, is it? I rely on you for so much; not just for your support through the full moons, but for all the little things you do for me. I couldn't begin to think about life without you. I don't think it would be worth living; truly." He let go of Sirius' hand with one of his, and reached up to move Sirius' hair back from his silver eyes. "I don't know where these feelings came from, Siri, but I'm sure I'll never recover from them. I know I never want to" he added. "Your turn to say something now" he told the black-haired boy, after a moment of silence.

Sirius sat still for a long moment, frowning as he tried to work out what to say. He tried to begin a couple of sentences before he gave up and threw himself into Remus' arms.

Remus held the boy tightly to him, smiling slightly. "Sirius?" he said, after a moment.

The silver-eyed boy pulled back slightly, looking long into the tawny eyes of the boy in his embrace. He freed one hand, and gently stroked Remus' cheek, before sliding his hand under sandy hair and leaning in to a gentle kiss.

Both boys pulled back after a tender moment, and looked into each other's eyes; both searching the other for a hint of a lie in the embrace. Sirius was the first to relax his stiffened posture, and pulled Remus to the grass, laughing. The two lay on their sides next to each other. Remus' arm was casually thrown around Sirius' waist, and Sirius' hand was playing with the other boy's sandy hair. "Is this really real?" Sirius asked, after a moment.

Remus only response was to kiss him again, relishing the feel of the other boy's lips against his own. "Did that feel real?" he asked in return, watching as Sirius nodded. "Then there's your answer" he whispered, as Sirius leaned in to kiss him again, before embracing him tightly. 

"Have you any idea how happy I'm feeling right now?" Sirius asked presently.

Remus looked fondly up into shining silver eyes. "You know, I think I could have" he replied, smiling up at the black-haired boy.

Sirius suddenly reached out a hand, pressing it to Remus' chest. "What?" the werewolf asked, puzzled.

The silver-eyed boy grinned. "Your heart; it isn't right" he teased. "Now I wonder what that means?"

Remus hit out at him half-heartedly. "Now, being mean to me just isn't fair" he said sternly. "How was I to know what was wrong with you? You did kind of spring it on me, you know. I imagine there must have been a more sensitive way to have broached the subject." 

"Moony" Sirius said, sighing. "Did you honestly imagine me to have a tactful bone in my body anywhere? You know I'm hopeless at that sort of thing."

Remus smiled softly, stroking the other boy's cheek slowly. "I know you are" he agreed, laughing at Sirius' astonished look. "Sorry, your tactlessness must be rubbing off on me already" he said.

"I have a feeling I'm going to be a horrible influence on you" Sirius said sadly. "Are you sure this is what you want, Re? Getting involved with a Black, I mean? We aren't nice people, you know that."

"I'm willing to take my chances" Remus replied, shrugging. "I am a werewolf, you know. The darkest of Wizards still fear my sort; so I'm sure I'll be ok."

Sirius pulled the sandy-haired boy into another embrace. "I'm afraid that if I let you go, I'll wake up and this won't have happened" he admitted quietly. "I can't believe we're here like this. I can't believe how short a time ago it was when James first got me thinking about our relationship. How long would we both have continued with our lives not knowing what could have been if it wasn't for Lily and James interfering?"

"I think we would have worked it out for ourselves in the end" Remus replied. "I'm glad they did interfere" he added, blushing as a wicked smile flashed across the other's face. "Now, Sirius, don't look at me like that, it's not fair" he protested screwing up his eyes and trying to squirm out of Sirius' strong arms.

Sirius laughed. "Are you saying you don't like that look?" he asked in a low voice, laughing again as Remus groaned.

"What have I let myself in for?" the sandy-haired boy asked exasperatedly. "You are going to be a complete nightmare, aren't you?"

"How well you know me" Sirius replied, grinning. "There's only so much I can do to annoy you at school, however. We're going to have to be careful. You do realise we could well be expelled if we get caught together like this."

"Thanks; I really need more things to worry about" Remus said dryly. "I think as rule-breaking goes, however, this is pretty big. We need to make that map; at least it will grant us a warning so we're less likely to get caught."

"Speaking of us getting caught, it's only an hour until Quidditch practice" Sirius said suddenly, having caught sight of Remus' watch. He glanced around the field taking in their position in relation to the entrances to the pitch. "You've picked a good spot here, Re. We'll see anyone when they first appear in the ground before they'll see us." He looked down at the boy in his arms, and couldn't help but smile, blushing slightly. "You've got to stop looking at me like that" he said finally, breaking eye contact as he felt the blush creeping across his cheeks deepen. "What's happened to my poise and sophistication?" he asked suddenly, burying his head in Remus' shoulder. "Look what you've done to me" he mumbled, voice muffled by Remus' sweater. "I'm a mess; an absolute wreck, and it's all your fault."

"I would apologise, but I'm not really sorry enough" Remus told him, a sly smile creeping across his good-natured face as he looked down at the other boy. "The phrase 'wholly adorable' springs unbidden to mind." He laughed as Sirius aimed a half-hearted punch at his stomach.

"Stop, Moony, please" Sirius begged. "You're really not helping me, and you know it. You don't have to rub it in, you really don't."

Remus looked over at him, with warm amber eyes. "I'm not going to stop teasing you, just because you've kissed me" he told the other boy matter-of-factly. "I can't help it; I've never been able to help it. But then I suppose you really have no idea quite how magnificent you look when you're not sure whether to be angry or amused. Your eyes actually flash."

Sirius placed a finger on Remus' lips. "Hush, Moony" he said softly. "I can't kiss you when you're talking." His face creased up into a smile as shock flitted across the other boys face. "That's better" he said, flicking the black hair back from his face, before leaning in to another kiss.

"Do you want to tell people about this, Re?" Sirius asked, after a while. "I'm not trying to hide anything" he added quickly, seeing a look of panic flash across the other's face. "I don't want to make this any more difficult for you than it already is. I know you have enough of a hard time without giving people reason to provoke you."

Remus was quiet for a few moments. "I think we should tell close friends" he said, in his quiet voice. "If anyone asks me, though, I'm not sure I would be able to deny it. If people find out, then they find out. Providing you're not going to decide this is all a horrible mistake, we'll be able to stick up for each other. I don't think anyone would dare to give us much trouble."

Facing the other boy, Sirius looked at him for a long moment. "I'm not going anywhere, Re, I promise you. You know I'd dearly love to shout this from the rooftops – in fact I may have to try that tonight – and I'm never going to deny my feelings for you. I think between us we have enough hexes for the whole school. We won't have a problem with people being nasty; they won't try it more than once anyway."

The sandy-haired boy hugged the other to him. "I'm going to have to go soon" he told the silver-eyed boy sadly.

"I think that Wood will understand you being here" Sirius said airily. "He's a reasonable man."

"Not this close to a match, he isn't" Remus pointed out. "I'm not going to miss practice, Siri. I need to finish some Ancient Runes reading. "I'll bring Peter down, so he doesn't feel too left out, and maybe Lily. I really don't think your captain will be impressed if he sees the two of us on his Quidditch pitch like this either" he added, as Sirius showed signs of not wanting to let go. "I won't be gone for long" Remus added gently, stroking Sirius' long hair back from his face.

"Why do you have to be so sensible?" Sirius complained. "Just when I think I've started to cure you, you start being all rational and reasonable at me. It just isn't fair."

"Now, Sirius, that pout does not become you" Remus told him sternly, a twinkle escaping into his eyes as the other boy glared at him. "I'm going to go up to the common-room quickly. You should probably get back to the changing-rooms."

Sirius sighed. "You win, Re" he said. He leaned in and kissed Remus quickly. "I'll see you in a while" he said, with a grin, as he jumped back onto his broomstick and flew down to the Gryffindor tunnel, leading to the changing rooms.

Remus watched him go, before slipping out through the stands, back to the castle. He reached the Gryffindor common room and wandered upstairs to find his books. Peter was in the dormitory, tidying his corner of the room. 

"Coming to watch practice, Pete?" Remus asked him, smiling as the shorter boy's face lit up.

"Of course, Remus. I'd love to" Peter said, beaming. "I'll just get my coat."

"I'll meet you in the common-room" Remus said, leaving the fat boy to get himself ready. Walking back down the stairs, he caught sight of Lily. Surprising even himself, he snuck up behind her, and swung her off her feet in an embrace.

"Put me down!" she squeaked, laughing as she caught sight of Remus' happy face. "It all worked out, did it?" she asked, as she was put back on her feet.

Remus nodded, his eyes shining. "Thanks, Lil" he said. "Coming to watch practice?" he asked, smiling softly as the girl blushed delicately. 

"I'd love to" she replied, picking up her coat, and a text-book. "You'll have to excuse me, however. I've got that Ancient Runes to finish."  
Remus held up his book. "Me too" he confessed. "Homework has been low priority the last few days."

Peter came down the stairs then, and the three made their way back through the castle grounds and down to the pitch. Wood had started the team on various warm-up exercises. Lily, Peter and Remus found a spot which was still in the late-afternoon sun and sat down to watch.

Sirius spotted the three come into the pitch and gave Remus a wave. Wincing as he was jabbed in the side by a poking hex fired by Wood, he sighed, returning to his exercises. As the Scots boy shouted instructions to the chasers, keeper and seeker, he turned to his fellow beater. "Well, Black, anything new we can work on?" he asked. Although he spent a lot of time throughout practice shouting at Sirius, Wood knew that the boy was one of his finest players, and often turned to him for plays. Despite his carefree attitude, Sirius had real love for the sport, and spent time during lessons thinking up plays.

"I've got one idea" he confessed. "Do you think we could work in Stelyan's Dive to a move?"

Wood stared at him. "That's a seeker attack move, Black. Do you actually think Riley could pull that off? I really have my doubts."

Sirius grinned. "Not for him, Wood, for me" he said, laughing at the incredulous look on Wood's face. "Thanks for the support, captain" he added as he received no comment from the seventh year.

"Have you been holding back, you git?" Wood demanded, outrage mixed with wonder in the boy's expressive face. "I don't believe you, Black. Show me you can do it, and we'll find a play to weave it into." Blowing his whistle, he called the other players out of the sky. "Black is going to need an audience" Wood told his team, as they all landed around their captain.

James shot a quick look at his friend. "Did you tell him?" he whispered, watching as Sirius nodded.

Taking a deep breath, Sirius paused for a minute, before kicking off and flying at speed up to the middle of the pitch. Slowing as he reached the centre circle he couldn't help but grin. He loved flying like this. After a moment's pause, Sirius launched into the complex move, flashing past the team almost at ground level. Laughing out loud as he knew he had succeeded; the move was flawless. Preparing himself for the wrath of his captain, he flew slowly back to see an awe-struck look on the seventh-year's face. "That was bloody brilliant" he breathed. Suddenly the Scots boy broke out into a wide grin. "Black, I've got an idea" he said. Turning to the chasers, he set them shooting hoops. Throwing Sirius his beater's bat, Wood took up his own and flew up to the chasers, calling instructions to Sirius as he did so.

As the chasers re-set after a goal, Wood hastily explained his plan, which made Sirius grin. "You are actually going to get me killed, you know" he told his captain, who laughed.

"But if you don't die, we have the soundest defense move I've ever seen" Wood replied. "I'm willing to take the chance, Black. You just better get it down quickly, before we use it in a match."

Sirius moved off into position, rolling his eyes. Practicing the play over and over, Sirius emerged from practice battered and weary, but with glowing eyes. His move had become the most original defense, and was virtually impossible to prevent, even if the opposition knew what he was going to do.

He met the others after practice. Sirius and James were met by Lily, Peter and Remus. Throwing an arm around Remus' shoulders, the boys followed their friends back to the tower. "I'm in quite a lot of pain, you know" Sirius told Remus as they walked. "If I had known that was what Wood was going to do to my move, I wouldn't have shown him."

"But if it works, you can tell him victory was down to your creativity and genius" Remus told him, smiling as Sirius laughed.

"You do have a point" he conceded. "I don't think he'll care, though, if he gets his hands on the cup." 

After dinner, the four boys sat round the fire in the common room. James and Peter had claimed one of the much-coveted sofas. Remus had managed to find his favourite arm-chair empty, and moved it, so it sat at a right angle to the sofa. Sirius sat at Remus' feet, leaning back against his chair.

"Moony, we haven't told them about the map" Sirius said suddenly.

"What map?" James asked.

"We think we've found a way to make a map of Hogwarts and grounds which will also map out the people within them" Remus said, in his quiet way.

"So we'll be able to show everyone, where they are, what they're doing; every minute of every day" Sirius added in a rush. "It'll be brilliant for pranking, James."

The messy-haired boy pushed his glasses up, looking interested. "That sounds fantastic. How do we do it?"

Remus leaned forward in his chair. "We're going to have to map out the castle by hand, as accurately as we can; which is irritating. But after that, we can use a charm to neaten the edges so that the spell we found can work to show up the people."

"Shall we do it?" Sirius asked looking over at James and Peter, his silver eyes glowing with excitement.

There was a pause, while James explained the idea to Peter, as the shorter boy had not understood what they were all getting excited about. "I really think we should" James said finally.

"It should only take a few days, really" Remus said. "If we all make maps as we go to lessons, we should map out a large amount of the castle by the end of the week. I think we can add to it later on, but we need to get most of it before we can cast charms over it."

"We'll start tomorrow" James promised, grinning. The boy's eyes had taken to wandering the common-room. He brightened when he found what he was looking for. "Evans promised to lend me her potions results as I messed mine up" he told the others, getting to his feet. "I'll see you later." Giving them a careless wave, he made his way across the room to Lily's side.

"What's the time, Remus?" Peter asked then.

"Almost ten" the other boy replied, glancing at his watch.

"I've got to finish my history of magic essay. Have you two done it yet?"

"I handed that in yesterday, Pete" Remus told him, looking puzzled. "Wasn't it due in then?" he asked Sirius, running a hand quickly through the boy's long hair as he said this.

Sirius flashed a grin up at him. "You're asking me about homework?" he said incredulously. "You know I never hand things in when I'm meant to. I handed that one in four days early, just to be annoying. It should have been in yesterday though, Pete."

"Oops" the fat boy said, scrambling to his feet. He found his school bag slung it over his shoulder. "I'm going to find some space at a table" he told them. "See you later."

As he wandered off, the sofa was filled by several first-years, looking excited that they had managed to get the best spot by the fire. Sirius looked up at Remus, who rolled his eyes at him. In an unspoken agreement, the two got to their feet; in Sirius' case rather stiffly. "I think I'm broken" he told Remus, who merely shrugged.

"Trust me, you'd know about it if you had broken anything" he told the other, leading the way up the stairs to the dormitory. Remus threw himself on his bed and Sirius sat down beside him. 

"Do you think that move of mine will be enough to break Slytherin at the weekend?" he asked, flicking the black hair out of his eyes.

"I'm no expert on Quidditch, Siri, you know that" Remus told him. "But it is crazily unpredictable. Unless you had any Slytherin spies at the practice, you'll terrify them with that play. They won't find it in any text book."

Sirius grinned. "I can't believe I pulled it off." After a moment's hesitation, he lay on the bed next to Remus on one side, propping his head up on his arm. "Have you decided I'm a terrible mistake yet, Moony?" he asked in a small, scared voice.

Remus drew the boy into his arms. "Why should I decide that, you silly thing?" he asked, with a gentle smile on his face. "I'm never going to decide that, and you know it really, deep down." 

"I don't see why you shouldn't" Sirius persisted. "I mean I'm obnoxious, childish, irritating; need I go on? And you're none of those things. It isn't fair on you to have to take care of someone like me."

"Sirius" Remus said patiently. "Do you not think I could want you precisely for all those characteristics? I like taking care of you, as you put it. Besides, in case you had forgotten, I have a tendency to grow fur every month. Not many people would be able to cope with that, you know."

Sirius shrugged. "I don't see what's so difficult. It doesn't matter in the least to me" he said. 

Remus smiled. "I know" he said quietly. "That's what makes you so special."

"Now, Moony, trying to put me out of countenance just isn't fair" Sirius protested, feeling his face grow hot. "Do you want me to retaliate? I may be broken from Quidditch practice, but I'm sure I could still cause you some harm."

Remus raised an eyebrow at him. "Really?" he drawled. "Werewolf, remember?" he added, grinning suddenly. 

Sirius huffed. "I can't win, can I" he said sadly. 

The sandy-haired boy shook his head. "It's best if you realise that now, really" he told the other, laughing as Sirius pushed him away. 


End file.
